Like Attracts Like

It amazes me how quickly a shift in the energy we put out affects our lives. With each though we extend energy into the universe. The events of our lives are the results of this energy. Being aware of this, I consciously try to conduct the energy that will cause the outcome I want.

For the last nine months or so I have been single, and extremely happy about it. Not that desperate single most everyone else seems to be. Or worse, those fake happy singles. The ones who say they are so excited to be single, while at the same time scan the room for anyone who is not extremely fugly.

Being independent and maturing is what I was interested in. Remember that personal development I talked about in an earlier post? I did take up knitting, along with a large array of other hobbies. So I happily put out an energy that repelled relationships away from me.

Then a couple of weeks ago for no reason at all, I decided I was ready for a healthy relationship of some form. I am not going to go seek one out. But if the right person and situation comes along I won't reject them.
My change in energy opened the flood gates, and out rushed cute available girls. I look forward to seeing what the universe has planned for me in the cute gypsy-lious girl department.

Breaking out the flood pants, and a dingy.
- Aves

Oh, and you are a bad kisser.

My motorcycle, James Dean, wouldn't start for me today. This troubles me for a few reasons. The first concerns my romantic life. James Dean is the best pick-up line I have. I don't have to do anything but lean suavely, and rev the engine a bit. The girls come running. Now that he is not working, I am going to have to turn my charm up a notch or two.

I am taking James Dean's battery dying personally. It's like he just broke up with me.
What's wrong with me? Why am I not good enough to keep him alive? This has turned up the volume on already existing concerns.
Am I really that dull of a person to slowly suck the life out of the most exciting, blood rushing machine in existence?

Whatever James, Fuck you. I was faking every time I screamed out in joy while riding you. You're really not that good.

- Weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with Good-Bye.
You think I'd crumble,
you think I'd lay down and die.
Oh no, not I.
I will survive.... bitch


Avery

You`ve been warned.

I realize I did not introduce myself, or explain this new adventure into Blogville. It`s because I would rather just explain as things unravel, it won’t be as boring that way. Also, it is really hard to make myself look interesting enough to read about on a regular basis in just a paragraph. You try it! Enjoying hugs, long boarding, live music, and the quest for inner peace is not nearly as stimulating in paragraph form as I thought it would be. So I will take a brief moment to explain what you need to know at this point.

My name is Avery. I am nineteen and currently living in good ol` Saskatoon. Yup, that is all you need to know. Oh, and that I am hella cute! The confusing explanation of who I am will unfold in time. Dun Dun Dunnnn! Cliff Hanger! See how fun this blog reading is! It is almost as good as those choose your own adventure Goosebumps books that you read as a kid. Don’t give me that look, you read them too!

My plan is to give my mind a break, and use this blog as a place to ramble. I can only take so much wit, charm and over thinking. It is time you share some of the burden. You will get a long, naked glimpse into my life and my thoughts. It will be slightly reminiscent of the time you crossed paths with your freshly showered Mother in the hallway, only to have her towel accidentally slip off. It will be awkward, too much information, and you won’t like it.
No, it won’t be that bad. I promise. You won’t have to lay awake at night wondering when Mom got that tattoo on her..No, No. It is still to harsh to think about.
You just have to deal with my awkward jokes. Just remember to fill in the awkward silence, with a polite uncomfortable laugh as you subtly look around the room for an exit plan.

P.S. If I’ve dated you or slept with you and any of the anecdotes in this book blog seem to be about you, they’re not. They’re about somebody else. You were Divine.

Those are not my words. They are from the wittiest, most make you laugh embarrassingly loud in a public place book. Swish : My Quest to Become the Gayest Person Ever, by Joel Derner. I had to use it, because I couldn’t think of anything more perfect as a warning for this blog.

I make no promises that this will be entertaining. But you are officially invited to follow my steps through life (this is so much better then the party you got invited to last night). So cheer me on/watch like a proud parent at a spelling bee/learn from my mistakes as I stumble, strut, and saunter through my day to day life.

You know you love me,

xoxo Gossip Girl Aves

Gypsy-Lious

Dear Blake Lively,

You have beautiful, long golden hair. We can role play, you are Rapunzel, I'll be the handsome Prince. I will climb your well moisturized voluminous hair, like it is a high school gym rope during an endurance test worth 30% of my mark.
If that's what you're into . . . Whatever if not, I can totally return the purple velvet pantaloons, and the steed I rented from the adult costume store.

I love the awkward way your jaw sits. I spend hours watching your brilliant acting on Gossip Girl, studying the set of your mouth. Is it an over bite? Underbite? Your teeth are remarkably straight, kudos to your orthodontist, so I don't think it is misaligned teeth. Maybe it is just hard for your face to contain the beauty of your smile.
I hear harps when you smile. They always play Beethoven's Symphony No. 9, you know, Drink Milk Love Life. I'm not sure why though.

I'm quite sure your legs are the base of Mount Olympus. The legs well tanned, well toned, and long enough to wrap around the circumference of the Earth. They are that beautiful. Gods with extraordinary bodies and weak ankles live on them.

P.S. Don't worry about having to wrap your legs around the equator. Not yet anyway, you should stretch and practice first. I'll sacrifice my waist for you to learn on ;)

I love your legs through thick and thin. Even the times you dress yourself in jump suits, and rompers. I still love you, and even think you still look hot. That's love Liv, can I call you Liv honey?
But really if this is going to work between us, you have to ditch the rompers. Please?

Think about us. I could be the cute, awkward, good looking but not good enough looking to steal the spot light from you person. Think of the red carpets. I will be noticeable enough for everyone to recognize your good taste in dates. I can make witty remarks about everyone's outfits.

"Omg, I think Madonna tripped on the way out the door and got tangled in her curtains. Thank God! She didn't break her hip. She needs to be more careful at her age."
"I knew it! Lindsay Lohan has an inverted nipple! It looks like she jumped some poor flamboyant twink as he walked out of a club. A thigh length mesh shirt, with a shoelace around your head? Oh Lindsay, Lindsay, Lindsay, we get it. Your hair is naturally red. You don't need to show us that the carpets match the curtains. We believe you!"

I won't step on your dress. Oh! I am tall, so you can wear heels without looking like a giant.

Think about it Liv. We could be great. Let me know soon about the Rapunzel thing. I need notice to reserve a room with a balcony.

Love,

Your Dreamboat.

Recess Games

Seriously.
I am the Cheater Whisperer.

I should look into charging for this skill. Wondering about how committed your partner is? Put them in a 25-mile radius of me. If they find me, the relationship is on its last legs.

Or maybe people are assuming, because of my height, that I play basketball. I've been getting nothing but rebounds!
What starts in chaos, ends in chaos. That is a simple theory to understand. But apparently everyone missed that lesson.
Relationships are not a game of Leap Frog. You don't sink your claws into the back of the person you are with, to launch yourself to a new person.

Do I have a lily pad like target on my back?

There is nothing attractive about cheating. Putting the moves on me while you are dating someone, is the quickest way to make sure nothing ever happens between us. Merely acknowledging the attraction is OK. Nothing wrong with speaking the truth, as long as it comes from a place of purity, and more importantly, non action. Little innocent crushes keep things fresh in relationships, but don't act on it!
I have been cheated on, or used as a launch pad in almost every relationship I've had. So I'm not going to play that game.

Why don't you all go play Tag, or Hide and Seek with each other?
Let the grown ups talk.

A note to all Rebounds:
Yes, I am tall.
Yes, I enjoy basketball.
But no, I don't want to score with you.

If two hours ago you were crying over your recent break up, there are a few things that are bad ideas to do. Getting a drastic new hair cut, is not a good idea. Eating an entire tub of Chocolate Fudge Brownie Ice Cream, is not a good idea. Reapplying the mascara you just cried off, then hitting on me is, say it with me, NOT A GOOD IDEA.
Invest in some water proof make up, and think about personal development. You may have forgotten what that is, so let me remind you. Personal Development happens when a person is single, and has the time and space to develop the crippled and neglected qualities about themselves.

Come back to me in three months, when you have a couple new hobbies.
Take up knitting!
You can knit me a scarf in hopes that it will warm my cold, blackened heart. Obviously, I must have one if I rejected you. No one ever says 'No' to you.
Or maybe make me a toque to keep my luxurious hair under wraps. Hater.

If I am going to have a friend I make out with, an open relationship, or a person I see on a fairly regular basis who I sleep over with, and spend money on. It is NOT going to be with the aforementioned people.

Single, stable, gypsy-lious (I am going to make that word happen, it is so fetch), independent, kind, drama free, great kissers, little spoons who are open to being the big spoon on occasion NEED ONLY APPLY.
Reply to this message if you fit the criteria, must have references.

-With all the love in my Superhero heart

Aves.