Accio Reader!

I am asking for you, my readers, to use your imagination while reading this post. I'll give you a few seconds to find it. Look under the pile of bills, or the stack of homework you should be doing right now. Dust it off, make sure there are no chunky adult responsibility bits stuck to it. Now use it. It's like riding a bike, you'll remember how to do it. Think of sparkly unicorns, little periwinkle fairies, gargantuan blood red and gold dragons. My favourite things to think about are green and purple poke-a-dot long neck dinosaurs with ninjas and Superman riding them. And cupcakes. Didn't you know that dino's favourite snacks are cupcakes with sprinkles.
It is so easy to get tangled up, and weighed down by the many responsibilities of our lives. We get so wrapped up in the routines of our lives that are not making us happy. Take a break! A healthy one! We struggled through the work week toward the glowing golden light of a crisp beer at the end of the tunnel. We get loser drunk, wake up cuddling a garden gnome, and only feel worse about the place our lives are in. Why not try something different? I am not saying that waking up with a garden gnome is always bad, but maybe switch it up sometime. This is where your imagination comes in. You don't have to wait for the weekend to use it. You can whip it out anytime. Your dignity will remain intact, and you won't have to write any apology letters.
I am writing this update from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Practice using your imagination now. You aren't reading this on your computer. A few moments ago a spotted brown barn owl dropped a roll of thick and heavy yellow parchment into your lap.
See, so much fun. Really though, I am writing this from Hogwarts. Yesterday night instead of going out partying I built a massive fort, and made a sign for it saying that it was Hogwarts. I am completely happy with my decision. I actually make forts often; I never grew out of it. Everything seems so much more fun if it is happening inside of a fort.
I challenge all of you to make a fort sometime this week, a good one with lots of sheets and chairs. Than tell me about it, post a reply on this update. I triple dog dare you to. Whoa, yeah. I went there.
Random fact about Avery: I was completely devastated when I turned 11, and didn't get an acceptance letter from Hogwarts. It would STILL make my life if I received a Hogwarts acceptance letter in the mail.

Now it is time for your favourite part of my updates, you nosey little gossips, an update on my romantic life. I mentioned a cute girl and a girl who Facebook stalked me a couple posts back. I need to update more often because both of those situations have already come to an end. They actually ended on the same night, Halloween. It is ironic that I was dressed as Romeo because I left a trail of angry women that night.
I'll first tell you about the cute girl. She is wicked, pretty much everything I look for in a person. She is a musician and painter, fantastic looking, great sense of fashion, and a really decent kisser ;) haha. But for some reason I just couldn't develop any romantic feelings toward her. I am not sure why that is. Despite having a lot in common, we just didn't click. I think I have mentioned before on here, but I experience moments where I instantly FEEL a connection with someone. I'm sure it sounds like hippy talk but when this happens it is like our souls connect or touch in a way that goes deeper than with most people I encounter. When I feel that jolt I know I need to take extra care to develop the relationship with that person. It rarely happens to me, but it is so powerful it is something I wait for to let me know that a person is someone to direct my heart too. It could have also been because my attention was focussed on someone else, Juliet. I tried to give it a fair chance, we went out on a few dates and talked a bit. But I was comparing her to someone she couldn't win against, even though she was probably better for me.
So Halloween night I am dressed up as Romeo; I even memorized a fair bit of the play. I went to Diva's for the Halloween competition, which was amazing! My friends are incredible; they put together some awesome costumes. It was filled to capacity that night; wall to wall people in bulky costumes. It was wicked hot, and everyone was loser drunk; so I wasn't in a great mood. This is when the cute girl shows up at the bar and starts talking to me, which is fine. I am happy to see her. While we are yelling a conversation at each other over the music, friends of mine keep coming up to me to talk. Not wanting to be rude by ignoring them, I talk with them. When the friend would leave, I would turn back to the cute girl and continue talking with her. I could tell she was feeling upset, maybe because she felt ignored or something. I think I did the right thing, I am not going to blatantly ignore a friend who comes to talk. At some point another friend came up to me to talk, and when I turned back around she was gone. I didn't mean to hurt her feelings, but I am not sure what she was expecting that night. A bar on Halloween is no the place to have heart felt conversations, or really any conversation at all.
I didn't try to find her that night and fix things. To be honest, I never called or got into contact with her, which is probably not the nicest thing to do. But I didn't see the point since I had made my decision to not go on any more dates with her. I had figured out that I just didn't feel it with her, so contacting her and getting together would have just lead her on.
This plan worked out fantastically well until I walked into a party last week and she was there. Awkward. Awkward as hell. Once I got up the courage I went to talk to her. It was awkward; we kinda tip toed around what happened without really talking about it. But after the party we talked to each other again and worked everything out. We were honest about everything, and she didn't seem hurt at all. In fact she is going on dates with someone new, so it all worked out well for her.
Okay, back to Halloween night. I already have one angry girl at me in the bar, when my stalker shows up. She wasn't actually a stalker . . . she just showed up at all the places I was.
Back story to this situation, pay attention because this is everything not to do if you ever want my attention. She approached me in the hallway at school to introduced herself and made small talk. A couple hours later she sent me a really long Facebook message saying nothing but how cute she thought I was. I ignored it. Don't get me wrong, I love when people compliment me. But if the only thing you tell me about yourself is how much you like me, I don't know anything about you. Kissing my ass is not going to get my attention, tell me your thoughts on something else, anything else! Let me know you have a brain, and a wicked sense of humour.
So the next day I am at my Fortress of Solitude, my favourite café, and she shows up. The Fortress of Solitude is my second home; almost all of my happy memories from the last three years are somehow connected to it. If I feel threatened that my happy place could be made an awkward place to attend I act in a way similar to the way a mother bear reacts to a person who is in between her and her cubs. Do not mess with my Fortress of Solitude.
I am there working really hard on an essay, when this girl sits down at the table beside mine. She starts up a conversation and not wanting it to be even more weird than it already is, because I ignored her message, I go along with it. After the small talk I get back to writing my essay when she throws a fucking paper air plane at me! Yeah. Not only that, but she has written another message telling me how cute I was on it. Awesome. She stays there for about two hours, before she leaves. I go to Diva's that night and guess who is there. Yay. So I spent the whole night avoiding her. Do you know how hard it is to avoid someone in a club that small? It takes incredible skill, and completely ruins any chance at having a good time. Throughout the night I was approached by a few people asking me if I was dating anyone. I didn't think anything of it until later in the night when a friend came over and asked if "I liked that loud and obnoxious blonde over there.” Sigh. Ah, I remember when I asked Lindsay to ask Ian to ask Stacey if Ashley liked me; I was in grade two. Seriously, why not just pass a note through the club that says "Do you like me? Yes, no, maybe. Check one". Time to act like grown ups.
Halloween night she shows up at the bar, and while I was on the dance floor a friend of mine grabbed me and danced me off in another direction. I figured he just wanted to dance. Nope. I had been lead into a trap. He danced me over against the wall, and guess who was standing there. Surprise! It seemed like she told every person in the bar that she liked me, and wrangled them into getting my attention for her. So in the most non graceful way possible I literally danced out of that situation. But not before I told the friend that danced me into that situation that I am not interested in that girl at all. I haven't heard from her since than, but we have a couple classes near each other so I see her daily and it is kinda weird.

I'm quite sure I have been securely placed in the friend zone with Juliet. Which sucks, but she is a really, really fantastic person and I am extremely happy to have her as a close friend. Now I just need to stop lusting after her and it will be cool haha.

I may or may not have had a date last week. I'm not exactly sure what it was, we went to supper than watched a couple movies. I hope it was a date, they are a super interesting. I'll keep you up to date with that one.

I had the best night out in a really long time on Friday. I went to Lydia's to watch Kinnie Starr, and The Fugitives. When you are done reading this post, google them both. They are amazing! Kinnie Starr played a few tender songs, than she got up and laid down some slam poetry! SLAM POETRY. A few were call and response, and the audience got into it. One was about oral sex, of course everyone got into lol. The Fugitives sound a bit like the band Mother Mother, who if you haven't heard them are fantastic. They were basically slam poetry set to music. Unlike anything I've every heard, they completely blew my mind.
What was even better than the music was the crowd, most of my favourite lesbians and people in the city where there. It was a nice change to see everyone outside of Diva's. I had some crazy experiences that night. The feeling of the night can really be summarized by a conversation I had with my friend Gaze about pubic hair. I don't remember how we got talking about this subject, but I'm glad we did.
*Spoiler Alert . . . Sort of. Intimate Details about to be discussed*
I admitted to wanting to shave my pubes into the Harry Potter lightening bolt. Yup. Try not thinking about that next time you see me HA. She said that she wanted to shave a mistletoe, and than dye it the proper colours. We than discussed everything that would go with that. People would have to kiss while under neither it.
That night I was handed two handfuls of condoms by a lady dressed up as Wonder Woman or Super Girl, I don't remember. But I can say that was the first time I have ever experienced that.

I can't even begin to explain the amount of sexual tension that filled Lydia's that night. It was like a game of musical chairs was being played. While the music was playing everyone pranced around the dance floor and when the song stopped you flirted with the person you ended up beside. Everyone had a good time, and it didn't end in drama. If anyone was declared the winner of that game of music chairs, it would have been me. The band introduced a song by saying that for the length of the song the audience was supposed to make out with the person that they didn't think they stood a chance with. Zing (I mentioned her in some previous posts) and I had spent a fair bit of the night standing beside each other when the musical chair songs stopped, but instead of flirting with each other as we had been throughout the night we decided to take what the band said to heart and find someone to make out with. I went and found an incredibly captivating lady friend, and charmed her. She and I have a little bit of a history, while I was in high school I had a total crush on her. The one and only time I ended up in her bed (to cuddle!) I over slept and was late for my physics final. It was totally worth it though haha. So I went up to her, and turned on my flirting skills. I asked if she had heard what the band said while introducing the song, she hadn't so I repeated it to her. She said she would, but that she was here with someone. To which I replied, "so we should go around the corner?" and started walking toward it. She followed laughing, but said she couldn't tonight. But that I should text her on Monday, so that we can make out in the library. WIN! It has been a goal of mine since starting school to have library make outs. I'll let you know if it actually happens, actually I may not need to. If you feel the Earth tremble a bit on Monday afternoon that is me doing a happy dance.
Tonight I am going to slam poetry at Flint, a lot of the same people who were at Lyd's on Friday will be out tonight. I am hoping that we can make tonight as epic as that night was.

I promised you all a rant about sweats, prepare yourself for it. I hate sweats with a passion. I don't own a single pair. If I did, I would not wear them outside of the house. Ever. If the house was burning down and I was wearing sweats I would change out of them before running out of the building. It is not okay to wear sweats out in public. Apparently the majority of people attending University were never told this. I see so many people at school wearing the most ridiculous outfits. I have seen a girl wearing grey stained sweats, tucked into COWBOY BOOTS! What?! Excuse me, but I am not paying thousands of dollars to be visually assaulted like that. You know you are on a Saskatchewan campus when. Way to go Ag students, working hard to keep everyone believing Saskatchewan is full of hicks. I also have seen many students wearing sweats with a fancy club shirt. Uh . . . that doesn't work. Maybe they think they can balance out their outfit by wearing the two extremes. My disgust applies to guys who wear sweats as well. Just don't do it. If I have to see your junk jiggling around while I am trying to think about what the soul is, you are going to find out what happens to the soul after death. If I don't see your junk while you are wearing sweats, I am judging you. I assume you have a tiny man bit. So you see it is a lose-lose situation.

This is really long, hopefully you didn't get bored halfway through. I will update again soon. I told my parents, so I will let you know how that is going. I actually will update more often, lots of people have told me they read this so I have motivation to keep writing. They love me! They really love me!


- Avery Eros Finley (House of Gryffindor)

Trans Remembrance Ceremony

I just got home from the Trans Remembrance Ceremony. This is a day of remembrance for victims of hate crimes because of gender variation. This was my 3rd year attending a Trans Remembrance ceremony, and just like all the other years there were not enough people in attendance.
The ceremony consisted of a few readers, than we went outside to city hall and laid a flower or candle for every death this year. Close to 200 hundred roses and candles were laid down, one for each victim this year. It was a chilling experience to lay down so many flowers or candles knowing each one represents a human life lost, a human life very much like mine. I will edit in the exact number once I remember it. The number of murders were over 4 times above average this year. About 11 trans people a month were killed this year.
I was asked to say something at the ceremony about my experiences of being Trans. This is was my speech.

Hello,
Most of you know me, but for those of you who don’t my name is Avery, and I am Trans. I was asked to talk to you tonight about some of my experiences as a transgendered person. I think it is important to remember, that like all queer people, transgendered individuals are unique and each of us has our own experiences. However, all of us have some experiences in common, and sadly these are prejudice and hatred.
Transsexuals are still very misunderstood by general society, and with ignorance comes hatred. Protection and understanding are needed for us to be safe, and given the chance at a happy life. The law does not protect us the way every human should be protected.
The biggest concern of the people who care for me is for my safety, and they are correct to worry about it.
Lucky, I have never seriously been physically attacked. But I have been pushed, and yelled at on a few occasions.
What is most harmful are the non-physical acts of hatred. Faggot. Dyke. He-she. Tranny. Many of us here have been assaulted with these words before, we all know the depth of the fear that these words strike into us.
A great amount of hurt has come to me from those I did not expect it from. From the friends (and I use that term lightly) standing beside me at the gay bar. When I came out I lost people who I thought were close friends. They could not accept who I am. We cannot tear ourselves apart from the inside. As a community we need to be a place of love and safety, in a world that can be cruel and vicious. We need to stand united, so that we can make the changes that are desperately needed.
Every day I censure where I go, because some places are just too high of a risk for me to be. Some people see me as so subordinate to them that they talk about me as though I am not standing beside them. Some people point, laugh and gawk at me as though I am an animal in a zoo. Others actions are more extreme, like pushing into me, or verbally attacking me.
The list of places where I have experienced prejudice and hatred is vast. It can and has happened anywhere: breakfast restaurants, the mall, my car while driving in traffic, cafe’s, walking down the sidewalk on Broadway, public bathrooms, bars.
Public bathrooms. They send a shiver up trans peoples spines, and not because of their lack of cleanliness. I do everything in my power to not use a public bathroom. This includes walking clear across campus to reach the one gender neutral bathroom, paying cover or buying something just to use a bar or stores bathroom, I would rather pee outside behind a dumpster than in a public bathroom.
But I am human, and with that comes the necessity to pee. When I can’t find a gender neutral, or single stall bathroom I take extreme caution in preparing to use a public one. I literally stake the place out, I try only to go in when no one else is in there. If that isn’t possible, I wait til I think everyone is inside a stall before going in, than I wait until everyone has left or is in still in a stall to wash my hands. I jokingly warn the people I am with that if I don’t return in a few minutes, to come check on me. I say this jokingly, but I mean it.
Why do I do all this? Because I have been pushed around in bathrooms, they are the place I am most often verbally questioned. I have gender variant friends who have been harassed by bouncers and forced to show ID to prove they were in the correct bathroom.

Bars are another place that make me very uncomfortable, and hyper aware of who and what is around me. They are the places I have been pushed around most. I should not be confined to a very small number of bars because of fear for my safety. I should not have to dread going places, or miss out on experiences because of the very real chance I could be hurt.

I am sixteen times more likely to be killed than the general population. Sixteen times.
What does that mean to me?
It that means dark streets seems a little darker.
Shouts in the distance are the breath of someone full of hate.
Every time I am knocked into it is the first of many blows.
Every time I leave your presence it could be the last time you see me.
Every time I open my mouth to speak, and my high voice comes out, those could be my last words.
It means that every day is lived with this awareness that it could be my last.

It means it is time for change.

For some change has not come soon enough. Tonight we remember those whose last day came too soon. Those for whom the dark street was a place to be scared of, those who heard words of hatred as the last sound on this earth, who were torn from this world in pain and brutality, who didn’t get to say good-bye to those they loved, whose voices will never be heard again.
Tonight we remember them, in hopes that next year it is not me, or you, or the person sitting beside you that is being remembered.
Tonight we remember.


- The other updates I promised are on their way, keep checking in. Should be up tomorrow or the next day. They won't be as depressing as this one was, I will test the limits of my wit and charm in a post. I apologize if it increases the rate at which the earth is warming, or causes numerous pregnancies by immaculate conception. I will have a rusty coat hanger, and some plan b on hand in case of this event.
P.S. Thanks for reading my blog. I've had a few people mention it in conversations, it is really cool that people actually read this and enjoy it.

Best news of my life.

OH MY GOD!!!!
I get to start TESTOSTERONE!!!!!
I just got home from an exhaustive day at school. Literally laid on the living room floor, and waited for my brain to leak out of my ears. After a few minutes I got up, grabbed a stack of mail and went to my room.
There was a letter from my dermatologist, and one from the University. I thought the University was just sending a receipt. NOPE! IT IS MY APPOINTMENT DATE TO START TESTOSTERONE!!!
So once again found myself on the ground. I'm sure it looked quite epic. I was walking down the hallways opening an envelope, and suddenly *sharp inhale of breath, and drop to knees*

I can barely type this because my hands are shaking. I don't think it has really hit me yet. I haven't cried yet.
Very soon I am never going to hate the sound of my own voice. I'm never going to have to look in the mirror and feel surprised than crushed that I actually don't look like the buff sexy guy i feel like.
Finally I get a chance to be me.
I am finally going to look like Avery Eros Finley.

Sorry if this doesn't make any sense, or isn't profound, I just can't really think yet. I'll post again soon.

Rawr.

So much for my promise for more consistent updates. It counts if I am consistent at being inconsistent, right? Right?
This isn't an actual update. This is me procrastinating on writing a sociology paper due on Tuesday. I WILL update a few times some time this week.
I will probably have an update about Trans Remembrance Day. I've been asked to give a speech.
A post on coming out to my parents. I plan on telling them on Tuesday after I hand in this sociology paper.
A post containing: a rant about sweats, love life update, charm/wit, and maybe a deep insight into the human life.

See, lots to look forward too!
I think I am going to start posting the links of my updates to Facebook. I think it will bring in more readers, cause at this point only a person who really looks at my profile finds this blog.

Okay Friends, check back in a couple days.

- Eros