Extended Ness

It usually takes a good solid three days to recover from partying as hard as I did at Ness. I still haven't had those three days of rest. I've been on the go since two hours after I arrived home. I really need to take some time to myself, and rest soon though. I am getting tired, moody, and doing things I normally wouldn't do. I'm inflicting Chinese torture on myself, or living like normal kids my age.

After I cleaned up from Ness, I went over to Munroe's house. We watched Twilight, and hung out for the night.
We have been hanging out a lot since then, just having fun. She is a really good girl, really nice, funny, and she has a kind heart. We don’t have a whole lot in common hobby/social life wise, but it has been fine. We can just introduce each other to new things.
I'm not exactly sure how this will end. She says she doesn't want a relationship right now, but girls tend to say they don't want a relationship when they really do. Then everything gets messy, and people get hurt. I am going to take her at her word, and believe that she doesn't want one. Which is a good thing because I don't think one would work out with her.
Due to me, I am not an easy person to date, or even see. I am complicated. No matter who I am with, being with me makes them rethink what their sexuality is. She is really proud to call herself a lesbian, and I don't fit into that. I'm not willing to let people fool themselves about what I am, or am not, anymore. They have to see me as I am, and how I am going to be. I don't want to be changed so I fit with someone, so there is no way I could ask someone to change.
I've accepted that it is going to be really hard for me to find someone to have something serious with. I'm willing to wait for the right person, and situation. I'm done with being people's fling, something fun they play with til they are bored. What am I getting out of that? Nothing.
I know if I don't wait it is only going to lead to me getting hurt really badly down the line. When that person realizes that I am too complicated, or not what they wanted me to be. I'm tired of disappointing people, so I won't put myself in situations to do that anymore.
I just want someone to like me for me. Not who they think I am. Not who they want me to be. Not who they are trying to make me. Just me. I've spent way too much time getting to the point I am now in figuring out who I am to pretend to be somebody else.
I'm not looking to settle down for life, or anything. Not ready to be a penguin yet. (If you've watched Never Been Kissed, you would know that penguins mate for life.) I'm not even necessarily looking for something completely serious. I haven't been in a relationship in a long time. I need to ease into it. I just want something semi serious, a step up from the flings I've been experiencing lately. It doesn't have to be complicated. I like them. They like me. We enjoy spending time with each other. Simple.

This decision to stop the flings, and Summer of Fun comes after the craziness of Ness and the following days. It was just too much. Wing man and I fed off of each other, and we went a little over board. I began to feel like girls were being turned into a sport, and we were competing. I would never think of girls that way, or turn them into a game. Wing Man and I talked it out, and we felt the same way. We agreed to cool it, and act classier then we had been.

I'm not going to go into details of the events that went on this week. I'm a little embarrassed, and I don't want to repeat them. I promise it was nothing too crazy, just crazy for me. Don't worry, there is not going to be a video of me up on the internet anywhere.

Remember how I said I was going to lay off the straight girls? Yeah, that doesn't seem to be happening. I am attracted to them most. Their style, but mostly it is because they most accurately see me. If they are straight and attracted to me, it is because they seem me as a guy or something close to it.

There is a new girl that I am going to torture myself with. I really can't even begin to describe her without sound creepy. When I met her, I turned to the person closest to me, and told them I was going to marry her.
Yup that is even creepy for me and I pride myself on my Facebook stalking skills. Don't be judging me right now! I know you Facebook creep too, don't even deny it.
Anyway, this girl is fantastic beyond words.
Intelligent, check.
Stunningly gorgeous, check.
Fashionable, check.
Witty, check and two stars. She is so witty, and you guys know how much I love being verbally cock slapped into a stunned silence.
Goofy, check.
Enjoys comics, check.
Has mad Youtube skill, check.
I'm going to stop listing off the good qualities she has, because it could go on for a long time. I'm fairly certain this is going to be a typical Avery and a cute girl situation.
Avery thinks Girl is cute. Girl barely knows Avery exists. After being exposed to my charm Girl thinks Avery is cute.
That is usually where that situation ends.
Hopefully my charm will get me further in this situation. I should polish it, put out the good china and nice table cloth. Really try to impress her.
Really, I am happy getting smiles and laughs from girls. That is like sliding into second base for me. Throw in a blush, and I am rounding third.
I can't decide on a name for this girl yet. I will soon though.

My next post is going to be about life landmarks. I just pictured my face carved into the side of a mountain. It is coffee time, when I start hallucinating.

- Ol' Blue Eyes

Avery Eros

HAPPY NESS pt.2

Saturday morning hit us as hard as our hang overs did. I wish I could have seen what I looked like climbing out of my tent every morning.
Dishevelled, limping from sleeping badly, rubbing my eyes from dry contacts, and chugging water to get rid of the desert in my mouth while wandering to the out house for my morning pee. That right there is pure wholesome entertainment.
After I gave my neighbours that entertainment, I went to get some breakfast. After eating I wandered over into third field, I promised Sincerity that I would check on her in the morning. We bumped into each other on the path, and I tag along with her back to the main stage.
She had been having a rough morning, non stop puking. She threw up on an ant. She threw up in the creek.
From her pain came something beautiful, the most witty comment I heard all weekend. A person came up to her, and the following was said.

"Wow! For someone as hung over as you are, you don't look like you are feeling bad."
"Really? Because I feel like I just threw up in an outhouse."

I did convince her to eat something once she was feeling a bit better. It seemed to do the trick because she was fine for the rest of the day. We all separated back to our camp sites for naps, with the plan on meeting up later.
When I got back to my tent, the babes next door were having a picnic. I offered to share my tub of blueberries, if I could sit with them. They accepted, and said I didn't even need the berries. Score!
We chatted for a while, before they stayed getting ready for the night. I had recognized one of them from somewhere else, the pride festival. These girls were the 'Condom Fairies', they put on glittery make up and wings to hand out condoms from the Aids foundation.
They put some glittery football player maks on my face, and we were off for the night. We went separate ways for most of the night. That was until I saw the fairy girl I had recognized from the city. I thought it would be a good idea to give her back one of her condoms, but with my number written on it.
Yup. That didn't work, I haven't heard from her since. I don't hit a home run every time.

Sage preformed on the main stage that night. We all stood right up front, and super fanned. She did an amazing job.

Wing Man and I spent most of this night together, running around talking to different people. We bumped into a friend of mine, and spent the rest of the night with her. Let's call her Monroe. I had seen her around the city a few times, but never really talked to her. Then we were invited to the same wedding, and were sat at the same table so we got to know each other better.
She and her girlfriend had broken up, but had already planned this Ness trip together so they were stuck tenting with each other.
We all had a ton of fun together. We were never in one spot to long. We completely violated the drum circle, one of the people I was with jumped in there and started drumming away to her own beat. Then dancing like a crazy person, it was funny.

We were walking down a path through third field when we stumbled upon a spot where someone had cut open glow sticks, and poured them all over the ground and plants. They glowed bright in the darkness, I thought it looked like unicorn blood.
Yes, I am a Harry Potter mega fan. I started telling the people who walked by not to drink the unicorn blood or they would live a half life.

We were trying to stay awake til 5am, because Sage was reading at the poetry slam at that time.
We failed.
After the main stage ended, everyone splits off to the Chill tent, or the drum circle. Since we had already stopped at the drum circle, and now there may have been pictures of us up around the area warning others about us.
Warning: Registered Drum Circle Offenders.
So to the Chill Tent it was.

The music was decent, but the crowd sucked. It was full of all the douche bags, like the people who just got back from Craven (A gross country music festival. Where the words most said are: Let'er buck, football, and Get'er done.) These are the people who are ruining Ness Creek, they don't care about the music or the general hippy vibe it is supposed to have. They just get drunk, and blare rap from their cars. Seriously, rap at a folk music festival is not okay.
We could only stand the douche bags for a few minutes, so we decided to call it a night.

All the partying, and lack of sleep caught up with us Sunday. A lot of people when to the beach before heading home, but we just wanted to get our stuff packed up so we could go home.
I got my site all put away, then went for a little walk. Everyone was winding down, and it was nice to talk to everyone at this time.
I had a coffee, and went to see the creek with Wing Man. It is a beautiful spot. The creek curls around the green surrounding it. The trees rise so high into the sky, and there were tons of dragon flies in the air. Wing Man almost ruined the beautiful moment by saying that it looked like a salad dressing commercial. If it hadn't been true the moment would have been lost, but it was true. It looked exactly like a salad dressing commercial, when they turn the creek into a flowing river of ranch dressing, and the trees into broccoli.

Sage, Wing Man and I went on a little walk together. It felt like it was the end of something magical, but the beginning of a new level of friendship for us all. We had such a good time with each other that weekend, it would not have been the same without each other. I decided that this was like the Breakfast Club. We came into the festival one person but we all left knowing more about ourselves, thanks to each other. I was the dorky kid, Sage was the weird gothy girl, and Wing Man was the punk misfit. In case you were wondering which character we were.

The drive home flew by for me. I spent the whole time reminiscing on the events of the weekend. Before I knew it I was home, and completely exhausted. I looked like a mess when I walked into my house. I had glitter and mud on my face. Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies. It is a life long decision to put glitter on. It stays with you, and spreads to everything you touch. There is a trail of people from Ness covered in glitter.
I didn't even have time to nap, even though I desperately needed too. I jumped into the shower and tried to wash the glitter, dirt, and slut off of me. Then my extended Ness started.
I thought it was back to reality, but I was wrong. The energy of Ness came back with me, like a bad case of herpes. That is for the next post! Not me having herpes . . . I don’t have herpes.

HAPPY NESS!

Ness is a modern day Woodstock. It has everything Woodstock did.

Hippies - Check
Love, in every sense of the word - Check
Music - Check
Drugs and Alcohol - Check
No shoes - Check
Peace and Friendship - Check

I don't even know where, or how to get started with this post. So much happened, it was non stop for four days. I'll summarize each day, and then explain them to make it more clear.
I had planned on posting all four days at once, but it has taken me this long to write two I will post the others later.

Ness Day One - Tag Team. This is the start of a beautiful relationship.
Ness Day Two - Mud, fell down a hill. Wanna make out?
Ness Day Three - I'm not her girlfriend, I'm just the person she makes out with.
P.S. Watch out for the unicorn blood.
Ness Day Four - Breakfast Club Good-byes.


Last year Ness was the best weekend of my entire year, and it didn’t disappoint in reaching that standard again.
This festival happened on the same weekend last year. It was a good marker in helping me notice how much personal change has happened. I was a very different person at this years festival, then how I was last year. Not everything about me changed, the things I like about myself stayed the same. But I have made improvements on things that needed work at this point last year.
Last year I was still very shy, and unsure of my actions. I didn't talk to very many new people, and I was in bed early every night. This year I met so many new people, and I was bold in my actions. I stayed out and had fun late into the night.
I'm excited to see the improvements, and differences I notice in myself a year from now at next years festival.


I arrived at the festival after some nerve racking fish tailing on the gravel roads leading to the site. I drove to the site I stayed in last year. Not only was it empty, but across the path from it were my good friends. The magic was already starting.
I unpacked my site, just in time for some supper before the party started.
The group of friends that were camping close to me consisted of one of my best friends, Sage. She has profound insight into life, and the people around her. She has the most free laugh, when she laughs happiness vibrates out of her.
Wing Man was also in the group. I had only met Wing Man once or twice before hanging out with him here. But I can safely say that we are going to be friends for a long time. He and I click so smoothly. We are very similar people in interests, humour, style, and social interaction. He and I go together better then any pairing in the history of time. Bonnie and Clyde got nothing on us. Garth and Wayne are just chumps. Fuck Peanut butter and Jam. It is all about Tag Team.

What is this Tag Team you ask?
The metal to-go coffee cup I used as my wine chalice all weekend was from my old job. At my old job we made a product called 'Tag Team', so that was written on this cup. After finishing off a cup of red wine from this chalice, I realized that it said Tag Team and my name.
It spoke to me. This was a message from God giving me a mission for the weekend. I listened, and I was a faithful follower of this message. I brought the message down the mountain carved on a stone and read it to my Wing Man. Together we formed Tag Team.
On the 8th day, God made Tag Team.

Wing Man and I spent Thursday night going on babe scoping expeditions. We used sign language to communicate while in the midst of a mission. We really have the perfect friendship. Separately we are cute, and charming. When we come together we mighty morph into a Megazord of sexiness that is irresistible to all babes.
Early in the night our charm and charisma attracted a babe. Flirting led to the consummation of Tag Team. The three of us made out, it was a really good way to kick off Ness.
We then left that girl to go find other babes. I had a ton of found gallivanting through the forest with Wing Man. We talked to lots of people, scoped out a few prospective babes. Then called it a night around 2 or 3am.

Friday morning came way to soon. It was delivered to Wing 'Cuddle Bunny' Man and I by eight small children doing child like things outside our tent at 7:30am.
Running on a few hours sleep the gang headed to the main stage area for some grub. Also to watch the antics of our fellow severely hung over, sleep deprived Nesser's
Wing Man and I went back to the tent for few more hours of spooning and sleep, while the others went to the beach.
Feeling slightly more refreshed and alive Tag Team went to catch a shuttle to the beach. Apparently everyone else had the same idea, because it was an hour wait for a ten minute ride. But the magic of Ness once again dusted us with luck.
A local mother fucking celebrity and friend offered us a ride in his van. He said he could find room for just the two of us. But when he pulled up in front of the large group of people waiting for the shuttle, everyone swarmed to it. Like flies on the piles of vomit that now decorate the forest of Ness Creek.

You know the mini van saying "two in the front, five in the back."
It has been rewritten.
"Ten in the front, four in the back."
Ten of us were crammed into the van. Four extra desperate souls climbed into the dark, non ventilated, musical equipment packed U-haul.
It was like sneaking Mexicans and cocaine across the boarder.

We arrived at the beach for some prime babescoping. Sunglasses were worn so we could not be caught staring.
Wing Man joined a game of beach volleyball, I cheered him on like a good partner in crime should. He did get hit in the face with the volleyball, so we called it a day fairly quickly. One can’t be babescope with a broken face.
We trekked back to our tent for another nap, and some food.
A car full of pretty girls rolled up beside my camp site. Being on my game like I was, I told them there was lots of room, and they were welcome to put their tent down. I also told them that they should party with us too.

I spent most of Friday night off away from the group. I was wandering around, and hanging out with other friends. But I would check back in with my crew periodically. During one such visit Wing Man and I decided to take a quick scope of the dance floor before turning in fairly early (1am). That plan quickly jumped out of the loser rut and into the 'accomplishing a goal on the list of things to do in my life' freeway. As I got close to the dance floor, I noticed one of the cute babes that set up next door. I walked over to her to say hi, when I discovered a friend of mine Sincerity standing beside her.
This girl is the Queen of all babes. She has such a kind, sincere heart. I've never heard her say anything hurtful or cruel about another person. She speaks the truth in a quiet warm voice. I've had a crush on her for nearly two years. I used to get in trouble with an ex for flirting with her all the time.
So you can begin to understand how ecstatic I was when she pulled me into a hug, and cupped my face in her hands while professing that she thought I was cute.
Naturally I pulled out my best line. "So do you want to make out?"
It worked! Internal happy dance ensued.
Sincerity and I danced a little bit more before we decided to go get another drink from the beer gardens. She left her ID at her tent though, and couldn't get in. Not letting that hinder the fairy tale happening to me right now, we planned to sneak the alcohol out of the gardens while standing right beside the security guards. It was okay though, because the previous night I had charmed both of them with mints from a Zelda shield tin. They didn't say anything about our plan.
We found a nice little corner to sip our drinks. But over the course of me sneaking the drinks out, and us drinking them Sincerity got much more messed up. She and her friend decided it would be a good idea to bond over throwing up next to each other.
Being the gentleman I am, I said I would walk her to her tent. Gentlemanliness has its limits, trying to find a tent way off in third field off all paths buried in the forest is reaching the limit.
We did find it eventually. Sincerity fell down a hill . . . twice. I fell into a cavern, and then got scared of the bears. But I did manage to get her tucked in with a glass of water.

I found my way back to the dance floor and had a dance party with Sage to Vitamins4You.
She was my cuddle buddy that night because Wing Man was off getting lucky.
Sage and I entertained our adult eavesdropping neighbours with the stories of our nights.
They returned the favour by letting their hooligans, I mean kids, stand outside our tent a few hours later and scream. Well-played bitches, well-played.


Okay folks! Those are the first two days. I will get cracking on Saturday, and Sunday at Ness. I'll try to have that posted within the next day or two.
I have lots of update you on after Ness, so stand by.

P.S. My test results came back. I tested negitive for clamidia, herpes, and dignity. But postive for studliness, good times, and memories. Win?

Lone Wolf

"So, do you wanna make out to Nickelback?"
Yes Folks that is a line I used this weekend. Stand in awe of my skills, because it actually worked! Haha. I am King!

Seriously though, how can a girl turn down a kiss when there is a drag queen crying on stage, and Nickelback is blaring. She can’t. She just can't.

I will explain.
I met this girl in the winter of 08, and we instantly clicked. We banter back and forth like it is a tennis match between the Williams sisters. I must be Venus, because I always win. We flirted, and had fun in the winter. But like all the interesting girls I meet, she moved away. I am going to call this girl Zing, for her incredible amount of wit and sass.
Zing moved away for about six months, she just returned home this weekend. We ran into each other, and things picked right up where they had been. She isn’t really the type of person I go for, but maybe that is a good thing. Because the people I have been going for have not been working out.
I spent the night pointing out things that were unique to Saskatchewan, things she hadn't experienced in six months. Which is how this pick up line came about. Is there anything more unique to Saskatchewan then Nickelback playing in a bar? It is hard to think of something that is. Also there was a drag queen crying on stage, how much more of a unique moment can there be for a first kiss.

The wedding I went to this weekend was beautiful. I cried like a baby. It was really wonderful to see two people who love each other so much celebrate it.
I brought my brother to the wedding, because Silk Spectre couldn't make it last minute. I felt a little bit like bringing a cousin to the prom, but I am glad I brought my bro. I had a blast with him.
We took a ton of pictures, which I have gotten a lot of feed back on. Mostly people telling me how beautiful my brother is. This is no surprise to me. I have been trying to explain for the last year how pretty he is.
What was a surprise was someone I am having 'summer fun' with show interest in him. I don't know why I even bother with straight girls. I never compare to a guy with them. It stings an extra amount because it was to my brother this time.
It did however get me motivated to work out. Nothing like a crumbling self esteem to get me doing push ups. I just have to accept I'm not ever going to win with straight girls. I am a fun fling to them, and I have been okay with that for the last year. But I'm not sure it is what I want anymore. I want someone that is proud to be with/around me, and not only when their friends or guys aren't looking.

This is a clip from a conversation I had with a friend:
Friend - "I want someone I can see the world with."
Me - "I want someone who sees the world in me, because that is what I see in the people I love."

It struck me how much I want that, I didn't even realize it til I said it. I think going to the wedding got me thinking about my life. Half of me couldn't stop celebrating my freedom, but the other half was lonely. The night was filled with couples holding hands, slow dancing, and soft kisses on each others cheek. I haven't had any of that in almost a year, and I miss it. But do I miss it enough to quiet the nomadic heart I have, or the questions that I need to find answers too?

Tonight is the midnight showing of HARRY POTTER! I am so excited! I am going with my Dad right after I finish work. I know I am going to cry when Dumbledore is killed, and I am kinda hoping my Dad does too. He is not one to cry, but if there is a reason to cry this is it.

This weekend also happens to be my favourite weekend of the entire year! It is the Ness Creek Music Festival! HAPPY-NESS! Four days in the Boral forest surrounded by love, hippies, friends and music. Falling asleep to the distant beat of a drum circle is beautiful. It doesn't get any better then that.
Ness Creek is the Las Vegas of Saskatchewan. What happens in Ness Creek, stays in Ness Creek. People get crazy! There are all kinds of drugs everywhere, though I have a ton of fun without them. It is a 24 hour, four day party. I'm really excited to be surrounded by great people, with something always going of for us to do.

Once I recover from the Ness I will post about what happened. It is guaranteed to be filled with adventures.

HAPPY-NESS

Avery Eros

Lalala

Two happy new mothers sit at a table near by.
Accompanying them, two baby daughters.
Past the ugly, alien baby stage.
Into the cute, ball of goo phase.
An explosion of pink has erupted all over the young girls.
binding them to an assumed gender.

Sitting next to me studying sheets of paper is a woman,
just reaching the age where the thought of inheriting her mothers mustache constantly haunts her.
As the mothers ‘ooo’ and ‘awe’ over their belly fruit.
I see the studying woman’s biological clock strike midnight.
Ovaries ding and dong off her uterus,
reminding her of the child she does not have.
Estrogen pulses through her veins,
eyes scan the café for a potential father.
Unsuccessful, her eyes fall back to her papers.
Next a wave of denial washes over her.
She convinces herself that her work and career are more important at this moment.

The mothers share stories of first smiles and frilly dresses,
spouting all the accepted lines of motherhood.
Not mentioning the mental break down of last week,
or the fact that their husbands don't look at them anymore. Now that they don't have time to straighten their hair.

From the back of my mind unexpected thoughts rush forward.
Thoughts of coaching the ball team, and helping with science projects.
A phantom ache forms in my ribs, where a future glowing whale of a woman has elbowed me in the night.
Asking for ice cream with only pink and green sprinkles decorating it,
hot chocolate with mini marshmallows, and a grilled peanut butter pickle sandwich.

The studious woman’s ovaries are drown out by the rustling of her papers.
The mothers lies by their gurgling daughters
And my maddy instincts are silenced with a grin and charming words, directed at the blonde two tables away.

Avery, get up and go work out. You love it, and it will be fun.

I need to start working out again! Writing it on here is another step to make that happen. It is going to act as a reminder for me to go work out. Who can ignore a title like that? Obviously the half ton man can, but not me.

I love working out. I don't know why I stopped. I feel fantastic, and proud of myself while doing it. The effects after are just as good. Instantly I have a better view of myself, and I feel energized. Seriously I can look in the mirror before working out and not be impressed with what I see. But I can work out once then look in the mirror again, and I feel so much better about myself. I swear that my arms got more defined after just one work out. They didn't. But what matters is I think they did, because having a break from not being happy with my body is wonderful.
I had been working out every day for about four months, and had begun to see some actual improvements. Small improvements, I got a bit more tone. But I couldn't put any solid muscle on, so I stopped. I got discouraged by the fact that no matter how long or hard I work out, I am not going to have the body I want. I am not going to work out for a month, or a year and wake up buff. It is just not going to happen. I am not going to have biceps that bulge when I flex, or pecs that dance if I wanted them too. Sometimes a person just needs pecs that dance, don't judge me.

It is a damn good thing I eat decently, and that I am naturally tone. Otherwise, I would have a serious problem. Inside me is a 45-year-old, divorced, balding, overweight man. If you don't believe me, then you haven't seen me park alone in the DQ parking lot and eat ice cream. I sound fat now. I just want to make it clear that I am not out of shape. I am naturally tone, and slim. No skinny fat going on here, or regular fat.

So why should I work out if I am not going to get the results that I want?
I need to find the answer to that question, until then I know I won't stick to a work out plan.

I should work out for the mental relief I get from it. For calm and focus I have while working out. There was a point when I felt that working out was the best part of my day. I need to get back to that. For the pride I feel when I pushing myself through that last set, or when I improve at something. The relief I feel when I look in the mirror and can feel okay about myself, that right there should be enough. If flexing my abs in the mirror saves me from focusing on the things I don't like, then I am going to flex.
Working out is never a bad thing. It will improve my overall health, and that is a plus.
When I work out regularly, it improves other aspects of my life. Spiritually, I become more aware of myself and my body. I am happier, and more productive at work. My day becomes more schedualed, and I fit more things in.
If I decide at some point that hormones are right for me and start taking them, they make it possible to put muscle on. If have already incorporated working out into my daily life, I will be a step ahead for making muscles happen.

My best bud, and my younger brother, has started to work out. I mentioned the idea of being work out buddies to him, and he seemed to like it. We are going to go for walks by the river, and do weights together. It will be easier to get back into working out if I have someone relying on me. It will be fun to hang out with him more often too.

Wow. You don't even have to watch the next episode of Biggest Loser. You just had your daily dose of emotional heart felt reasons for laziness. You may still want to watch the show for the part where they cry or make a triumphant finish during the obstacle course, that's just good entertainment.
I usually don't watch exercise programs, because they make me feel lazy. I am sitting there watching people work hard, and I am sitting on my ass eating. I want to get up and work out, it gets me pumped to go do it. But it usually doesn't happen.
Just like when I watch a fantastic musical performance, I want to go practice my guitar. If I followed through every time, I would be Carlos Santana by now. Speaking of Carlos Santana, Black Magic Woman is one of the sexiest songs ever. I may feel this way as a result of getting an accidental lap dance from a sexy girl to this song. But I'm quite sure I would feel positively about that song, even without that experience.

I'm rambling about lap dances now, I think that means I've run out of things to write. So I am going to wrap this post up.
I am going to a wedding this weekend. It is actually the wedding of the first person I ever kissed haha. I am sure it is going to magnify my hopeless romantic, gooey side. So prepare yourself for a post about love, or something along those lines.

- Flex and Pose

Aves

Not quite as crazy as Britney Spears circa 2007

Who here has been to a hot tub party before? Raise your hands.

Everyone who raised their hands has an idea as to the insanity that occurred this Tuesday night. I had never been to a hot tub party before, but I had heard about the events of hot tub parties.
It's not that I haven't been invited to hot tub parties before, I have been invited to quite a few actually. It is just that I don't feel comfortable being in a bathing suit.
When I am in a tee shirt and jeans, I am comfortable. I can project the image of myself that I want, but when I have to wear a swim suit, I can't do that. I haven't been swimming in almost three years because of this.
I didn't know what to wear, and I almost didn't go. But I knew I couldn't let myself miss out on more opportunities.
This is my body, and I have to deal with it. I have to honour it, and love it. I trusted the people who were going to be at the party, which is why I made myself go.
I spent two hours trying to find something to wear. I decided on a pair of my bro's trunks, cause I don't own any, and three very tight layers on top to act as a binder. I don't really have boobs. They are super small. But my chest is clearly not manlike, So I felt more comfortable covering it up. So besides having a little trouble breathing, and looking ridiculous fully covered in a hot tub of naked people, it was okay.

Just getting the courage to get there was a big achievement in itself, and a first in years.

As I walked through the door carrying a bottle of homemade wine that had been sitting in my trunk for about a month, I was hit with anal beads.
Oh yeah, are you starting to get an idea of what kind of night it was?

I am going to leave names out of who was at the party, just so no one gets upset. I think there might be an unwritten rule along the lines of, "what happens in the hot tub, stays in the hot tub."

The wine was sour, and did not taste great. My glass kept being filled after every sip, so before I knew it almost the whole bottle was gone! I've never had more then ONE glass of wine before.

The party kinda rotated between a trampoline, the hot tub, and the house.
The trampoline may explain why I woke up with a bruised ass, and head. I hope . . .

A lot of firsts happened for me that night.
First time I was hit in the chest with anal beads. However, not the first time that I have been hit with someone else’s sex toy. Unfortunately, that has happened before. Waking up to a purple strap on hitting you in the face is not pleasant, for the record.
First time I got really drunk.
First time I made out in a hot tub.
First time I turned down sex in a hot tub. I learned I still have morals when drunk, huzza!
First time I made out on a tramp... oline.
First time made out with a boy.
First time I touched a penis.

As I said before I keep my moral compass when I drink, so at 2am I crawled into a bed alone and went to sleep. Yay for being responsible. I was the tamest one there, by far.

I've never had a crazy night before, I have always been so scared to let go. It's not really a bad thing, I have avoided doing lots of things that I would have regretted. But I have also missed out on the silly rights of passages in life, and fun memories to look back on. I'm glad I let myself have fun, and be a little crazy. Because I proved to myself that I know when to stop, and that I am still in control of my actions. This won't be something I do all the time now, but it was nice to experience.
I think I always had a bit of a chip on my shoulder about these kind of nights. It is the judgmental Libra in me. I felt like it was irresponsible, reckless and the people having these nights were not being their best. Just recently I have been able to see this stuff from a new prospective.
Having a crazy night, or reckless moment doesn't make someone less. It is just a night, or just a moment. If this isn't how they live the majority of their lives then it is okay. Everyone needs to have fun, and experience new things. However irresponsible an action it, it fulfills some part of us. It may just be escaping life for a moment. But sometimes that is what we really need, and we shouldn't judge ourselves on it. Every experience is one we can learn, and grow from.

In my own experience I've always had trouble loosening up, ever since I was a kid. I never teepeed a house. I never played knock knock ginger. I never played spin the bottle. I missed out on all those things kids are supposed to do, and I regret it. Those things are innocent, they seem scary and like we could have gotten in so much trouble as a kid. But really, they are just silly things we are supposed to do.
Of course when we get older the silly things change to match our age.
It's not knock knock ginger anymore, but knocking a ginger ;)
It's not teepeeing a house, but peeing in an alley (which I did for the first time this week too!).
It is no longer spin the bottle, but making out with enough people to make a circle big enough for spin the bottle.
If I can now see that I regret not doing the silly childhood things, maybe I should use that hindsight for the silly things that happen at this age. In ten years am I going to look back and regret not doing things, like I look back on my childhood now?
I don't want that to happen. I want to do the fun silly things. I just have to trust that I know where the line between silly fun and irresponsible decisions is.
We can't grow if we are not put in new situations. We can't explore things we are curious about, if we are too afraid to get close to them. I know I am responsible, level headed, and care about myself enough not to do anything stupid. I think I am disrespecting myself by not giving myself a chance to be put in these situations.
I know when it is too much. I know when to walk away. I know that everything has to be in balance, and that these things shouldn't become a regular everyday occurrence.

The hot tub party left me with a lot to think about. But I didn't have time, because I had to work early in the morning. On Canada Day, the stat pay made it easier to deal with the fact that every time I hiccuped I almost threw up.
Hello Hung-Over, it's nice to meet you. My name is Avery.

I went to the fireworks with Goddess, and had a fantastic time like I always do when I am with her. It was really nice to catch up with her. I love being excited to see someone, I think they can feel that energy and get a boost off of it too. After the fireworks we sat around with a few friends, and had some wine and pizza.
The best pizza in town! It is the four cheese and tomato from Nino's. It is the perfect party night snack. I have had dreams about this pizza, not even lying.
It was a really nice calm night, compared to the previous one. I think that is what friendship is about. Being able to go out on the town and have a fun night. Then coming home to relax and have that be just as fun, if not more fun. That is the line between friend/acquaintance, and best friend/close friend. When all the distractions, and parties are gone. Talking and laughing with them is enough.

She did however tell me to man up, and pee in an alley. Because she got us lost! While walking! I would make a joke about women and directions, but that is wrong so I will keep it to myself.

So that is my big week. I changed my name, started the registration process for university, and I touched a penis.

Here is a textfromlastnight inspired text for each of these posts.

Sent: Every time I see a person wearing glitter I think of Edward Cullen. I need help. I hang out with fags, glitter is always present!

Received: I went to Ruckers and got a parachute man.
Sent: You should have got a Chinese finger trap. Oh wait. You already have a girlfriend.

I'm a big kid now.

This week has been INSANE! More has happened this week, then in most normal months. I am going to split this week into two posts. One will be for the responsible, grown-up life decisions I've made. The other will be the irresponsible, crazy party moments. It's a bit scary how much they overlap. I have started living the life of a university student already. I am practicing, I don't want to be behind the rest of the class.

So let's start with the responsible moments first, so you can't judge me solely on the crazy parts
In one week I have: legally changed my name, and registered for university.

I have been going by the name Avery for about a year and a half. Everyone calls me by it, except my parents. Avery fits me better then my birth name, I hate being called my birth name.
I have been talking about changing my name legally for a few months. I've been taking it slow for my parents’ sake. They really don't understand it. In fact when I told my mom her exact words were "I didn't give birth to an Avery. I gave birth to an Amber." Yikes. That sounds awfully close to "I didn't give birth to a boy, I gave birth to a girl." Which may be the next thing she says.
My parents kept making up excuses as to why I should wait to change my name. Money, all the paper work, losing their benefits, what if I changed my mind, waiting til I was older. Every time I would convince them that the excuse they had wasn't actually a problem, they would come up with a new one. So I knew I couldn't wait around on them anymore.
What really kicked me into sending the paper work was deciding to go to University. I don't want my degree, or any of my adult life in my birth name. My parents can't really argue with that. They want me to go to school, and I don't want to go to school til I change my name. So I am just waiting on the paper work to be sent back to me. Then I am legally Avery Eros Finley ___.

I'll explain why I picked the names I did. It's a weird thing being able to choose whatever names you want later in life.
I picked Avery two years ago, for a few reasons.
I felt it was a nice unisex name, if not a little more masculine, and that was something necessary for my new name. Now two years after picking the name it is number 24 on the most popular baby girls’ lists. Which sucks, but I guess this is how the Lindsay', and Stacey' felt when girls started to take over their name.
It also starts with the letter 'A', which was important to me too. All the kids in my family have names that start with 'A'. It was always a little extra something that bonded us together, and I didn't want to lose that.
The meaning of the name didn't really matter to me. It means ‘Elf Leader’, which is kinda funny because I am told quite often that I am Elf like.

I had a hard time settling on a middle name that was another reason I waited to change my name. I wanted my middle name to really represent a characteristic or quality about myself. I went through so many name before I discovered Eros.
You don't even know how close I was to picking Kal-El. Yes, that is Superman's name on his home planet. To make up for not picking that name, I think I have to get the superman crest tattooed on my chest. Please, don't anyone leave me alone near a tattoo shop. If you are my friend and care about me, don't let that happen.
The moment I saw the name Eros, I knew it was the right choice. I loved everything about it.
Eros means Love. Eros was the Greek God of sex, desire, and love. He was slight, muscular and beautiful. Basically me, or everything I want to be, in a name. Love is what matters most to me in life, so having a name that represents that is perfect. Seriously, how good of a pick up line is that? Being able to say that I am named after a Greek God, and not just any Greek God, the God of Sex. Oh yeah, as soon as the papers get in I am going to try it out.

I almost used Finley as my first name originally. I felt it suited me. I look like a Finley. When I was called Finley, I felt a connection with it, and responded to it. I still almost like it more then Avery, but in the end having a name that started with 'A' was more important. It meant keeping my initials, and signature the same. The connection with my siblings was really important too. I love the name so much that I decided to have it was my second middle name. That way people can still call me it, and it will make sense. The meaning of Finley is 'Fair Warrior', which I felt was fitting. Seeing how I feel like I am a warrior in a few aspects of my life, especially the area concerning the reason for the name change, and I am fair.
Mirror, Mirror on the wall. Who is the fairest of them all?

Deciding to go to university came completely out of no where. I just randomly decided it is time for me to go to school. So now I am rushing to get registered, and into classes before deadlines. I hope I still can. Otherwise, I will have to wait til next fall.
Am I gonna have to blow someone, or slip them some money to get? That is how university work, right? Or is that just the professors?
I have missed all the deadlines for scholarships, and things like that. I know I would have gotten some money. Probably not a lot, but something, my grades were really good in high school.
I am going to take Arts & Science, test the waters a bit before I pick a major. I know I am going to take some Women's & Gender classes. My life is that class. I might as well get credit for it. But I was fed some insider information that the program is being cut next year. The classes are going to be dispersed into other areas. So I'm not sure if that means I can't major in it. Or what it means for the people who are already a year or two into it as their major.

I am proud of myself for making such huge decisions. I feel exuberant about my choices. I am excited for these new changes in my life. I really feel like I am finally taking steps in the right directions. I do well in school. I enjoy learning and growing. I have been feeling lately like I have been standing in one spot, or moving in the wrong direct. I think university is where I will hit my stride.
I will keep you updated with my progress with classes and registration. I really have no idea how to pick classes, or what I need to do. So if you have any tips, I would really appreciate them.

Now for a recap of my reckless crazy moments of the week.