Not quite as crazy as Britney Spears circa 2007

Who here has been to a hot tub party before? Raise your hands.

Everyone who raised their hands has an idea as to the insanity that occurred this Tuesday night. I had never been to a hot tub party before, but I had heard about the events of hot tub parties.
It's not that I haven't been invited to hot tub parties before, I have been invited to quite a few actually. It is just that I don't feel comfortable being in a bathing suit.
When I am in a tee shirt and jeans, I am comfortable. I can project the image of myself that I want, but when I have to wear a swim suit, I can't do that. I haven't been swimming in almost three years because of this.
I didn't know what to wear, and I almost didn't go. But I knew I couldn't let myself miss out on more opportunities.
This is my body, and I have to deal with it. I have to honour it, and love it. I trusted the people who were going to be at the party, which is why I made myself go.
I spent two hours trying to find something to wear. I decided on a pair of my bro's trunks, cause I don't own any, and three very tight layers on top to act as a binder. I don't really have boobs. They are super small. But my chest is clearly not manlike, So I felt more comfortable covering it up. So besides having a little trouble breathing, and looking ridiculous fully covered in a hot tub of naked people, it was okay.

Just getting the courage to get there was a big achievement in itself, and a first in years.

As I walked through the door carrying a bottle of homemade wine that had been sitting in my trunk for about a month, I was hit with anal beads.
Oh yeah, are you starting to get an idea of what kind of night it was?

I am going to leave names out of who was at the party, just so no one gets upset. I think there might be an unwritten rule along the lines of, "what happens in the hot tub, stays in the hot tub."

The wine was sour, and did not taste great. My glass kept being filled after every sip, so before I knew it almost the whole bottle was gone! I've never had more then ONE glass of wine before.

The party kinda rotated between a trampoline, the hot tub, and the house.
The trampoline may explain why I woke up with a bruised ass, and head. I hope . . .

A lot of firsts happened for me that night.
First time I was hit in the chest with anal beads. However, not the first time that I have been hit with someone else’s sex toy. Unfortunately, that has happened before. Waking up to a purple strap on hitting you in the face is not pleasant, for the record.
First time I got really drunk.
First time I made out in a hot tub.
First time I turned down sex in a hot tub. I learned I still have morals when drunk, huzza!
First time I made out on a tramp... oline.
First time made out with a boy.
First time I touched a penis.

As I said before I keep my moral compass when I drink, so at 2am I crawled into a bed alone and went to sleep. Yay for being responsible. I was the tamest one there, by far.

I've never had a crazy night before, I have always been so scared to let go. It's not really a bad thing, I have avoided doing lots of things that I would have regretted. But I have also missed out on the silly rights of passages in life, and fun memories to look back on. I'm glad I let myself have fun, and be a little crazy. Because I proved to myself that I know when to stop, and that I am still in control of my actions. This won't be something I do all the time now, but it was nice to experience.
I think I always had a bit of a chip on my shoulder about these kind of nights. It is the judgmental Libra in me. I felt like it was irresponsible, reckless and the people having these nights were not being their best. Just recently I have been able to see this stuff from a new prospective.
Having a crazy night, or reckless moment doesn't make someone less. It is just a night, or just a moment. If this isn't how they live the majority of their lives then it is okay. Everyone needs to have fun, and experience new things. However irresponsible an action it, it fulfills some part of us. It may just be escaping life for a moment. But sometimes that is what we really need, and we shouldn't judge ourselves on it. Every experience is one we can learn, and grow from.

In my own experience I've always had trouble loosening up, ever since I was a kid. I never teepeed a house. I never played knock knock ginger. I never played spin the bottle. I missed out on all those things kids are supposed to do, and I regret it. Those things are innocent, they seem scary and like we could have gotten in so much trouble as a kid. But really, they are just silly things we are supposed to do.
Of course when we get older the silly things change to match our age.
It's not knock knock ginger anymore, but knocking a ginger ;)
It's not teepeeing a house, but peeing in an alley (which I did for the first time this week too!).
It is no longer spin the bottle, but making out with enough people to make a circle big enough for spin the bottle.
If I can now see that I regret not doing the silly childhood things, maybe I should use that hindsight for the silly things that happen at this age. In ten years am I going to look back and regret not doing things, like I look back on my childhood now?
I don't want that to happen. I want to do the fun silly things. I just have to trust that I know where the line between silly fun and irresponsible decisions is.
We can't grow if we are not put in new situations. We can't explore things we are curious about, if we are too afraid to get close to them. I know I am responsible, level headed, and care about myself enough not to do anything stupid. I think I am disrespecting myself by not giving myself a chance to be put in these situations.
I know when it is too much. I know when to walk away. I know that everything has to be in balance, and that these things shouldn't become a regular everyday occurrence.

The hot tub party left me with a lot to think about. But I didn't have time, because I had to work early in the morning. On Canada Day, the stat pay made it easier to deal with the fact that every time I hiccuped I almost threw up.
Hello Hung-Over, it's nice to meet you. My name is Avery.

I went to the fireworks with Goddess, and had a fantastic time like I always do when I am with her. It was really nice to catch up with her. I love being excited to see someone, I think they can feel that energy and get a boost off of it too. After the fireworks we sat around with a few friends, and had some wine and pizza.
The best pizza in town! It is the four cheese and tomato from Nino's. It is the perfect party night snack. I have had dreams about this pizza, not even lying.
It was a really nice calm night, compared to the previous one. I think that is what friendship is about. Being able to go out on the town and have a fun night. Then coming home to relax and have that be just as fun, if not more fun. That is the line between friend/acquaintance, and best friend/close friend. When all the distractions, and parties are gone. Talking and laughing with them is enough.

She did however tell me to man up, and pee in an alley. Because she got us lost! While walking! I would make a joke about women and directions, but that is wrong so I will keep it to myself.

So that is my big week. I changed my name, started the registration process for university, and I touched a penis.

Here is a textfromlastnight inspired text for each of these posts.

Sent: Every time I see a person wearing glitter I think of Edward Cullen. I need help. I hang out with fags, glitter is always present!

Received: I went to Ruckers and got a parachute man.
Sent: You should have got a Chinese finger trap. Oh wait. You already have a girlfriend.