Hiiiya! Cunt Punch!

Do you take cream, or sugar? Would like a cookie?
Writing this blog makes me feel like we (me the author of this blog, and you the reader of this blog) are talking over coffee. It has everything a coffee date needs, a friendly catch up, a little bit of gossip, and discussing what is going on in the world.

First off I need to get something off my chest. This is serious, and it has really been a burden on me. I have begun to be secretive, and embarrassed of my actions. I think if I talk about them to you whom I trust I can start to feel better about it.
Okay.. Here goes.. I love True Blood.
More than I secretly love Lindsay Lohan, and even more than how strongly I wish for her acting career to return to the prime state it was in during Mean Girls, or even Parent Trap.
I love the TV series. I think whatsherface Rouge is perfect as Sookie.
I am so addicted to True Blood that whenever I see Sookie's name I repeat it in my head the way Bill says it.
Sookie.
Sookie.
Sookie.
I bought the book set, which consists of eight books, and finished it in less than three weeks.
I passionately picked the side of one of Sookie's love interests, in a fashion similar to the way my mother feels about love stories on her soap operas.
I have a problem. I admit it, and that is the first step.

Okay, whew. Now that I have cleared my conscious, it is back to business.

I survived midterms, and got one back today. I got 85%, which I am pretty happy with. However those people who came into contact with me during midterm week didn't fair well. When I am stressed, I turn into a giant gross zit that explodes on those around me for making tiny demands, like wanting an answer to the question of how my day was, or returning a smile they shared with me.
I'm going to leave you sit for a minute with the image of a gigantic human sized zit exploding on someone. Not a black head type zit, but a real pussy (head out of the gutter!) white head full of goo.



Okay? Yeah? Still holding down your lunch? Good! Then I will continue.

I got some very interesting news in the T department today. My friend who got his referral to the same doctor I am going to see got news of his appointment today. He starts testosterone on Wednesday. The doctor we are going to see is apparently really busy all the time because he does a bunch of stuff other then the transition thing. My friend got his referral three months ago, and just heard from the doctor today. But this news makes me think I am going to hear from the doctor right away too. From the sounds of it he does his own booking of appointments with people referred to him, so for me it makes the most sense that he will do all the booking for trans patients referred to him at once. I am assuming because of the size of Saskatoon, and how small the Queer community is that my friend and I were the only ones referred to him in the last three months. Which means that I should be getting a call tomorrow (crossing all of my fingers, and praying to Buddha), and get an appointment to start T next week!
I really hope that is how it happens, I don't want to wait two months or more to hear from him. I just want to be me. Be prepared for a very depressed Avery if I don't hear from him within the next week.

The reality that it could happen as soon as next week has really made me focus. There are things I feel like I need to do.
One thing I desperately need to do is tell me parents. I didn't think I would hear from him this fast, so I put it off. But they need to know before I start T. If I hear from the doctor tomorrow, I will tell my parents the same day. Friends be prepared for the possibility of me sleeping on your couch for a night. I think knowing the day I get start will help me with telling them, because no matter how they react it is going to happen. I think they will do okay with it, I know it is going to shock them and take time for them to be okay. I am thinking it will kinda be like me telling them I like girls, only I am hoping it will go better since they've already gone through it once. It was rough at first, but they got better with time. That is what I expect of them.
Another thing I feel like I have to do is hug all the people I care about one last time in this body. For me it won't be a good-bye hug, because I am finally becoming the real me. But more a Thank you/Remembrance hug. You people have added to my happiness and kept me going in the rough patches. We have so many memories together with me in this body, and I just want to honour those memories with a hug and welcome in the new memories we are going to make. But I am aware that maybe those people need will to say a good-bye in some way to the body I have had throughout our relationship.
Also, I feel like I need to have a tribute to this body. Really become fully aware of every part of it, and thank it. Honour it, the way it has honoured and loved me. A long meditation session is needed.
I don't feel like this is going to be the death of this body, it may sound that way but it is in fact the exact opposite. I know that this body is going to grow, and become all that it should be. I feel like I should honour it one last time in the form it is now.

Another note on my transition is how well the pronoun change is going. The people around me are phenomenal. I am proud to be around my friends. They are trying so hard to use the right pronouns. It doesn't both me one bit if they slip up because I can see they are trying, which means they respect me.

'I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one', was the first sentence I learned how to sign using sign language. Random fact about Mr. Fin, also a wicked segway (every time I heard that word I think of those scooter things...hey! Something shiny!) into my next topic, which is what I appreciate most, girls.
Things are going really well in that department.
I got hit on, and then Facebook stalked by some girl yesterday.
Juliet and I are still in contact. Pretty much in the same place I mentioned last post, which was up in the air. But I enjoy floating, so I'm okay with it.
I went on a date with a new girl. She randomly flirted with me this summer at an ice-cream place she worked at, then a couple weeks later we were introduced officially through some friends. She went away to Montreal for a little while, but contacted me recently. I didn't remember her at all, whoops. After a little while it came back to me, so we went out on a date. I think it went decently well.
But I feel like I may just be going through the motions. Doing what I know I am supposed to be doing but not really connecting. Maybe because I am still happily up in the air with Juliet, and because the new girl really likes me, and chased after me. Which I know is a good thing, and shows that she is not playing games.
But there is some weird part of me that prefers to do the chasing. I usually don't pay as much attention to those who chase after me, than if it happens the other way around. I don't know why it is, if you have an idea tell me.
Is it because I target girls that I subconsciously know I won't get a real relationship with, thus freeing myself from any real pain that might come from a real relationship?
Or it is the complete opposite, maybe I like getting hurt and that is why I pick girls who will play around with me.?
Or maybe it is neither of those options, maybe I pick girls that truly capture my attention and what follows coincidently happens in a similar pattern every time.
I like to think it is the last option.
Wow, I just went all Dr. Phil on ya'll, just let 're buck all over ya'lls. See what I did there. I live in Saskatchewan I know how to talk county hick.

Anyhoodle, we should have coffee again sometime soon. It was really nice to see you again! Okay. Bye, Bye now.
Yeah, but fo rizzle. I wIlL uPdAtE yOu aS sOoN aS I hEaR fRoM tHe DoCtOr AbOuT t, oR sOoNeR iF tHaT dOeSn'T hApPeN RiGhT aWay.

P.S. If you ever talk to me like that in text or on the computer I will find you, and cunt punch you so hard that your grandbabies feel it.

P.P.S. SOOKIE!

That is all.

- Mr. Fin