Right now, I love you forever.
What is love? Baby, don't hurt me. Don't hurt me no more.
I had a great debate about love with Juliet the other night. I don’t think enough people do this. Everyone thinks about finding someone, but not many people really think about what love is. They know they want it, but how is it possible to find something if you have no idea what it looks like. If we don't think about what love is, or what kind of love we want, we can pass right by it.
We think we know love because we see movies, poems, or songs about it. Those are other people’s ideas of love, we are all individuals and love will be different for all of us.
Love is the driving force in my life. Don't confuse that with romantic relationships being the sole agenda of my life. I have only dated three or four people, and they weren't the healthiest of relationships. I am no expert on love. But I think I am ahead of the masses of people who are constantly dating someone, because they are terrified to be alone. I have been single for over a year. As nice as it would be to form a relationship of some sort with someone I am not desperate to do so. The longer I am single, the more time I have to develop myself. I think that people who jump from relationship to relationship are unhappy with themselves, and look for another person to fill voids within themselves. Which is completely unfair to their partner, and is bound to end in disaster.
I really don't like the theory of 'two become one'. This is the belief that you are half a being walking this Earth, and you only become whole when you meet your match. It is beautiful, and makes for a good story. But I don't think it is a healthy way to live. A person can't rely completely on another person for their happiness that is too big a burden for anyone to hold.
It was an interesting debate, and is an example of why I enjoy Juliet's company so much.
I am trying my best to act in accordance with the fact that Juliet has placed me in the friend box. It is hard, she is really cute.
Since I decided to get over my crush on Juliet, I started giving other people around me a fair shot. I have been on two dates with two people in the last week. Both of the dates went really well.
I went for coffee with Zing, and had a fantastic time talking with her.
The other date was with a girl I had a school boy crush on a year and a half ago. She doesn’t get a code name yet, because I am far too messed up on cold meds and I don’t trust myself to pick a good one. Anyways, the situation with her was complicated, isn't it always?
Get ready to see the confusing reality of the Saskatoon Queer community. I liked her. But her sister, whom I didn't know, liked me. I told my ex girlfriend that I liked this girl, and that same night she took the girl home.
Yeah.
That was really friendly of my ex to do.
Welcome to the incestuous community of Queer Saskatoon. Everyone has been with everyone! There is like a 1 degree of separation in the city. That is why life is so much easier if you stay on good terms with ex's, because at some point they are going to date your best friend who you have already most likely been with.
So obviously nothing happened with this girl and I than. She moved away to London for a year, and just returned home.
I went out to an open stage a friend puts on. The open stage was fantastic. The crowd was a really good mix of people, and the performers were great. From the open stage I went to Lydia's for a dance party. This is where the girl and I began to catch up. We stayed pretty close the whole time we were there, and after I offered her a ride home. On the ride home she confessed that I made her nervous, which is perfect because I am my awkward self around her.
We have hung out again since that night, and it was great. I forgot how it feels to be around someone who is secure in themselves, and therefore can be honest and open with you. We went for a walk by the river, and than ended up talking for hours at her house. We had a good-bye kiss. Finally, it has only been in the works for a year and a half. Slow and steady wins the race, story of my life.
I love kissing. It is one of my favourite activity to do in the whole world. After we kissed she said I was the best kisser she had ever experienced. YEAH! Happy Dance! I have had other people tell me that, and it is the best thing to hear. I always say that I was put on this Earth to cuddle and kiss, it is what I am good at.
I am excited to see what happens with her and I. It has been in the works for a really long time, and I am happy to finally have a chance to know her.
As promised, my rant on Uggs. They are ugly. I don't care if they are comfortable. Do you know who also uses that excuse? People who wear Crocs. That should be enough of a reason to realize that Uggs are bad news. All over campus I see girls walking around in sweats tucked into Uggs, gross. They are called UGGS for god sakes! "Ugg" is a noise a person makes when they are full of disgust. There are plenty of other boots that are both comfortable and stylish. Please, where those instead. Uggs had their reign, and it is LOOOONG over. When Britney Spears kicked off her Uggs to walk into a public bathroom barefoot that was the signal to stop wearing Uggs. So to everyone who didn't pick up on that and continues to wear them, this is your final warning. If I see you wearing Uggs there is a good possibility that I will kick out your ankles.
I finished my school finals the week classes were done. It has been two week, and I have done absolutely nothing school related. I told myself I was going to get a head start on second term essays, but all I have done is watch Lady Gaga videos. I have a problem! I love her. Her crazy outfits, and weird dances mesmerize me. I dedicate this blog post to Lady Gaga, the only lady I need in my life. Without her songs studying and underwear dance parties would not be the same.
I have a cold :( I apologise for the grammatical errors, or if this update doesn’t make any sense. I blame it on all the cold medicine.
Next update due on Monday! T related video.
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I think that, for me, great love is equal to great friendship. No more, no less. I find it odd that as a culture we seek one perfect mate and then place their needs ahead of those of the other people in our lives. I also find it odd that we hold our love interests up to a different standard than our friends - and will sometimes overlook negative qualities that we we wouldn't in a platonic friend for the sake of having 'a relationship'.
ReplyDeleteTL;DR: I don't get why 'in love' is different or better than friendship and I wish someone would explain it to me so I stop getting such weird looks.
P.S.: Love the blog!
I agree with not jumping into relationships...although I must confess I have done so myself. But in my defense, although not perfect, I consider I know myself and relate to other people in a much profound way, a way that not everyone can or knows themselves...i bet you know something of that...
ReplyDeleteAs for love being a friendship... let me tell you the difference i found. my friends, the real ones, the ones i count with a single hand, i defend and protect and love FIERCELY. so yes, in that sense, there is no difference, they know my innner most honest self, the same as my partner would...the difference is THE connnection. I think Avery you mentioned something about it some posts ago. Its fairy tail likeish and dreamy but why wouldnt it be? there is something about remembering the first time you ever saw THAT person. the way ahe made your heart flutter, the way she could be wearing the most ugly combination of sweats and uggs and you would STILL find her attractive (yeah yeah you would i promise). the way she will make you cry after the best orgasm you have ever had just because you trust her not only with your inner most thoughts but also with your most basic needs...
last but not least, i dont think you can ever be a "one" if you started being a "half". it has to do in my opinion with loving yourself first then loving others. the way you date, be going on some dates with one person, or calling it a relationship has nothing to do with where you end up. those are just labels, its the inside of the connection what really matters and i can tell you that you can tell what potential that inside has fairly quickly. we just sometimes choose to believe there is something that will hold it together when you know there are missing parts...sometimes its just about trying to make it work, because we think we owe it a chance, we owe eachother a chance or because we dont want to dissapoint. but in the end if you really believe in love and you follow your heart you will find what your looking for without looking.