I have found online love! No, not the recent socially accepted yet still really creepy long-distance online love. I have been blessed with the beauty of a library of drunk texts, textsfromlastnight.com. It is so funny! What would the world be without text messages? Somewhere I wouldn’t want to live, especially after reading the random funny texts from the site. I think from now on every time I post an entry I will include one of my personal random texts, either sent by me or sent to me. Here are two from last night. I was drunk when I sent one of them, can you guess which one?
Sent : So we should make out, Textosaurus. (I accidentally deleted this text as I was trying to find it, but I think this is correct.)
Sent: Mmm. Liquid cheese.
This week was really good. I have been getting better at balancing work, and having a life. It is really easy to go home, and play sims/eat cookies/sleep/all of the above. But I have been working at going out, and doing something after work. It makes me feel less like I just lost a whole day being a slave. But with that comes lack of sleep, and its side effects. Today I feel asleep in my car during my lunch break. I also seriously considered punting a kid out of the store.
I accomplished a lot on Friday night. I worked til late, then I rushed to buy advance tickets to the midnight, July 15, showing of the new Harry Potter movie for my Dad and I. (I am so excited to see how much hotter Hermione has gotten, that girl is the love of my life.) It is our tradition to go see the Harry Potter movies the day they come out. It is my favourite thing to do with my Dad. He and I are huge Harry Potter nerds. I am really excited to spend time with him. I am going to take him out for cheesecake or coffee after, so we can discuss the movie.
After picking up the movie tickets I visited Sunshine at work, for a quick flirt. Seeing her leaves me with a refreshed, happy feeling. She really is like sunshine.
I then hustled over to Diva's hoping for a dance party. What I found instead was a gross country band. I lasted about 15 minutes before I called it a night. I don't know why they play at Diva's. If the club is going to bring in entertainment other then the house DJ's, which I think would be a nice treat, it should fit the type of bar it is.
Different DJ's would spice the place up, weekends tend to run together there because the music is always the same. Others feel the same way, and finally someone is trying to change it. He is going to try and make a Friday night happen at a different location. He is going to have different DJ's and musicians each week. I hope he can make it happen, I think I am going to talk to him and tell him I would love to help out.
Saturday night was much more fun then Friday. From work I went to a friends birthday party, the theme was Botox and Bow Ties. I wore a bow tie, and he had the 'botox'. Alcohol filled syringes, provided by a male nurse friend. It was a great crowd of people, some of my favourite people. I love hanging with the boys. They are genuinely really good people. I feel lucky to be one of their friends.
Diva's was a better scene then it was the previous night, though it was quite dead for a Saturday. I had a glass of wine at the bar, and proceeded to get drunk.
Yes, off one glass. Don't judge me! I am allergic/really sensitive to alcohol, and I had an empty stomach. It was a nice change of pace from being completely sober like I always am. I might have a glass of wine at the bar more often.
I spent the night sexy dancing with Silk Spectre. I felt less like a peacock flashing my pretty tail all night. I don't know if it was the wine, but I wasn’t as self conscious about every little thing. I acted on what I felt like doing, instead of just being all talk.
It isn't really fair to say that she, or other girls, make me feel like a peacock. I make myself feel like a peacock (I am stuck with this peacock simile, aren't it?) If I was brave and just made the moves I wanted to, instead of only talking about it, I wouldn't have to work so hard at flashing my feathers and make them make the move.
Being all talk is caused by a few factors. The first being utter loss of confidence right in the moments I need it. I need a map so I can talk to the wizard about that courage. While I am there would it be asking too much to ask for an eight pack, pecs and killer biceps?
The second reason for my lack of action is being a good guy, as opposed to the 'bad boy'. I respect girls too much to kiss them without asking permission first. I don't want to force myself onto anyone. Being respectful is not a bad thing, but sometimes a girl just wants to be pushed against a wall and kissed like she never has before. I can be the person to do that. I just have this irrational fear that the girl will slap me, or something like that. But it is not like I would do this to a complete stranger, I would know the girl, so I just need to do it.
I need to be more like James Dean (love of my life/who I aspire to be).
My new motto, WWJDD, What would James Dean do?
Below is something written by the band Hunter Valentine. It is the perfect example of my life. You can guess which one is me, and which one I should be more like.
The name Hunter Valentine represents a certain kind of person…an attitude.
Think back to your days in junior high.
You’re at your school dance and you have been waiting for this day all year long.
Why? Well, because now your hopeful ass has the chance to slow dance with the love of your twelve-year old life.
When you finally stop sweating profusely and Total Eclipse of the Heart (your favorite song)
comes on, you decide it’s time to ask your crush to dance.
She’s sitting on the bench near the wall with her friends;
you approach slowly, but, just as you do… Jimmy Dean (the cool guy) grabs her hand and drags her to the washroom.
You follow. What do you see? Jimmy is smoking a cigarette in the girl’s room and when he finishes
he grabs her and they start making out. Fuck you Jimmy Dean.
So if now you ask, who is Hunter Valentine?
JIMMY DEAN. He is the heartbreaker that fucked up your chances. He is the bad ass inside you that comes out every once and a while. We say “he” but anyone can have a little bit of Hunter Valentine in them.
If you don’t love him, then you want to hate him. But you can’t. Because he is just himself
and he never promised you anything.
I have my far share of Jimmy Dean/James Dean moments, don't get me wrong. I just need to have more of them, and I will. I am going to work really hard at having this attitude more often. WWJDD?! I will keep you updated on exactly what he would do, and what improvements it causes.
- What would Jame Dean do?
Studly Aves
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Friday, June 26, 2009
A group of peacocks is referred to as a party.
I know I haven't been updating as often as I should be, but the world has practically fallen apart. Michael Jackson is dead! Oh my God! How will I survive?
I really don't care that he is dead, and I didn't care that he was alive. Now I am stuck listening to the radio play all his songs nonstop. Call me heartless, but I really don't care that a crazy child raper is dead. Everyone that is mourning him was calling him crazy a couple years ago. When OJ dies, are we going to remember him as a fantastic football player and not a murderer? Seriously people. I know MJ made some good music, but this is not! I repeat, NOT! A "where were you when you heard" moment. He wasn't fucking JFK, he was a messed up Peter Pan wanna be.
Okay. Now that I have that out of my system. We can get back to what is really important, my life.
I finally kissed Silk Spectre! Woo! Air pump! It was good, and it's happened more then once. Now she understands why I say that I am awkward. People don't really know how awkward I can be til I am trying to get up the courage to kiss them. In those moments, I am not smooth at all. Why do I always have to make the first move? Girls have it so easy, they just have to stand there and look pretty. I have to be brave, and put myself out there. But it is usually pays off, it did this time. Yay! for kissing pretty, nice girls.
I have to work really hard to make each kiss happen, which is kind of a put off. I love the chase, and charming stage. It's actually my favourite part. It’s why I have trouble settling down. I don't want to lose being able to chase and/or charm whoever I want. But there is a point where it becomes not fun, or worth it anymore. I want to feel wanted too.
I feel like a male peacock. They are the pretty ones with the colourful tail. They are flashy and pretty so that the girl peacocks will notice them. I feel like I have to strut around constantly proving that I am flashy and pretty enough for her to kiss me. When really I can turn around and not put any effort into a number of girls, and have them chase me. So I guess we will see how much strutting it takes til I feel like a prostitute.
I bought the new Sim's 3 game, which is why I have not been updating. Hours of time fly by when I play it, and I don't even notice. It is so much fun! On the game I am everything I want to be in this life. I make a better Sim, then a real person. I know I should probably stop playing the game, and work to make my actual life everything I want it to be. But that is hard, and I don't get to zip through the boring parts of life.
I have turned my charm all the way up to 10, and directed it at Sunshine. She and I had the best set up/relationship ever. We liked each other the same amount. Neither one of us felt the need to put a label on what we were. We always had tons of fun around each other. We made out all the time. So my plan is to make it happen again.
If you find yourself blushing, giggling, or feeling tingly for no apparent reason. Don't worry, it is just the effects of my charm being at it's highest. It has a sort of ripple effect. Anyone in a 25-mile radius can be effected by my charm.
I went to the Deuce, and didn't get beat up! I actually had a really good time there. They played really good music for the most part, except for the country. What is with straight people and their country? It is not dance music. I didn't get harassed by anyone. I think because I looked like a chochy straight guy that night, so I fit right in. I wouldn't be opposed to going there again.
The weekend is upon us! Something exciting, and eventful will probably occur that I can write about.
- She's not my lover. She's just a girl who claims that I am the one.
Aves
I really don't care that he is dead, and I didn't care that he was alive. Now I am stuck listening to the radio play all his songs nonstop. Call me heartless, but I really don't care that a crazy child raper is dead. Everyone that is mourning him was calling him crazy a couple years ago. When OJ dies, are we going to remember him as a fantastic football player and not a murderer? Seriously people. I know MJ made some good music, but this is not! I repeat, NOT! A "where were you when you heard" moment. He wasn't fucking JFK, he was a messed up Peter Pan wanna be.
Okay. Now that I have that out of my system. We can get back to what is really important, my life.
I finally kissed Silk Spectre! Woo! Air pump! It was good, and it's happened more then once. Now she understands why I say that I am awkward. People don't really know how awkward I can be til I am trying to get up the courage to kiss them. In those moments, I am not smooth at all. Why do I always have to make the first move? Girls have it so easy, they just have to stand there and look pretty. I have to be brave, and put myself out there. But it is usually pays off, it did this time. Yay! for kissing pretty, nice girls.
I have to work really hard to make each kiss happen, which is kind of a put off. I love the chase, and charming stage. It's actually my favourite part. It’s why I have trouble settling down. I don't want to lose being able to chase and/or charm whoever I want. But there is a point where it becomes not fun, or worth it anymore. I want to feel wanted too.
I feel like a male peacock. They are the pretty ones with the colourful tail. They are flashy and pretty so that the girl peacocks will notice them. I feel like I have to strut around constantly proving that I am flashy and pretty enough for her to kiss me. When really I can turn around and not put any effort into a number of girls, and have them chase me. So I guess we will see how much strutting it takes til I feel like a prostitute.
I bought the new Sim's 3 game, which is why I have not been updating. Hours of time fly by when I play it, and I don't even notice. It is so much fun! On the game I am everything I want to be in this life. I make a better Sim, then a real person. I know I should probably stop playing the game, and work to make my actual life everything I want it to be. But that is hard, and I don't get to zip through the boring parts of life.
I have turned my charm all the way up to 10, and directed it at Sunshine. She and I had the best set up/relationship ever. We liked each other the same amount. Neither one of us felt the need to put a label on what we were. We always had tons of fun around each other. We made out all the time. So my plan is to make it happen again.
If you find yourself blushing, giggling, or feeling tingly for no apparent reason. Don't worry, it is just the effects of my charm being at it's highest. It has a sort of ripple effect. Anyone in a 25-mile radius can be effected by my charm.
I went to the Deuce, and didn't get beat up! I actually had a really good time there. They played really good music for the most part, except for the country. What is with straight people and their country? It is not dance music. I didn't get harassed by anyone. I think because I looked like a chochy straight guy that night, so I fit right in. I wouldn't be opposed to going there again.
The weekend is upon us! Something exciting, and eventful will probably occur that I can write about.
- She's not my lover. She's just a girl who claims that I am the one.
Aves
Saturday, June 20, 2009
What summer means to me?
This is a glimpse into my mind, prepare yourself.
Remember those back to school essays we had to write, about what summer meant to us. This would be mine.
Thank you to all the babealious babes in short shorts, or a sun dress.
Summer rays thaw frozen lakes
inside me.
Long legged babes in sun dresses
stir the still waters.
The cling cling of bells rung by short short wearing girls,
riding cruiser style bicycles
is torture for me.
Like a chubby child fenced in on a plus 35 day, as the ice cream truck circles.
Bells ding dinging.
I have super hero skilled hearing for the sound of that ring.
I can hear them blocks away.
Like Pavlov's dog, I drool at the sound of a bell.
The most upbeat Beatles songs mixed with the ting ting play in my head.
With each jingle a new pick-up line forms in my mind.
As the inner stud buried deep,
deep,
within me emerges.
"Has anyone ever told you that you have kaleidoscope eyes? They're beautiful."
"No? No one has, that is surprising. You would not look out of place in the sky with diamonds."
I can't say that! "Hey! Your eyes look like you're tripping on LSD."
Okay, come at it from a different angle.
Cute and Sensitive.
"You look troubled, is something wrong? Hmmm. If he don't treat you right, he's gonna lose you girl.
Just let it be. All you need is love."
"I'm serious. Okay, you may call me a dreamer. But I'm not the only one."
"I'll always be true, so please, love me do."
No, no. To much, you'll scare her away Jude.. Avery.
Don't be afraid, you were made to go out and get her.
You can do this! Think of something! She is getting closer!
Just tell her that you want to....
that you wanna hold her hand.
But instead what comes out of this suave Stud's mouth is:
Naa Na Na Nananana
Naaa Na Na Nanananaaa
Which to her, sounds more like the Jaws theme then anything else.
Which causes her to reach for her mace, and pedal faster.
Well, I'll just get by with a little help from my friends.
Remember those back to school essays we had to write, about what summer meant to us. This would be mine.
Thank you to all the babealious babes in short shorts, or a sun dress.
Summer rays thaw frozen lakes
inside me.
Long legged babes in sun dresses
stir the still waters.
The cling cling of bells rung by short short wearing girls,
riding cruiser style bicycles
is torture for me.
Like a chubby child fenced in on a plus 35 day, as the ice cream truck circles.
Bells ding dinging.
I have super hero skilled hearing for the sound of that ring.
I can hear them blocks away.
Like Pavlov's dog, I drool at the sound of a bell.
The most upbeat Beatles songs mixed with the ting ting play in my head.
With each jingle a new pick-up line forms in my mind.
As the inner stud buried deep,
deep,
within me emerges.
"Has anyone ever told you that you have kaleidoscope eyes? They're beautiful."
"No? No one has, that is surprising. You would not look out of place in the sky with diamonds."
I can't say that! "Hey! Your eyes look like you're tripping on LSD."
Okay, come at it from a different angle.
Cute and Sensitive.
"You look troubled, is something wrong? Hmmm. If he don't treat you right, he's gonna lose you girl.
Just let it be. All you need is love."
"I'm serious. Okay, you may call me a dreamer. But I'm not the only one."
"I'll always be true, so please, love me do."
No, no. To much, you'll scare her away Jude.. Avery.
Don't be afraid, you were made to go out and get her.
You can do this! Think of something! She is getting closer!
Just tell her that you want to....
that you wanna hold her hand.
But instead what comes out of this suave Stud's mouth is:
Naa Na Na Nananana
Naaa Na Na Nanananaaa
Which to her, sounds more like the Jaws theme then anything else.
Which causes her to reach for her mace, and pedal faster.
Well, I'll just get by with a little help from my friends.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Option 3
1) "You are the cutest boy! Why can't you REALLY be a boy!"
2) "Why can't you just grow a penis?"
3) "I want to make out with you. I wish you were a guy."
Ugh. Those are a few of the lines I often hear from gay guys and straight girls. Thanks Champs, they make me feel great.
In response to line #1, this is how I feel.
If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, it's safe to call it a duck.
If I look like a cute boy to you, talk like a cute boy, I think that means I am a cute boy.
I've actually been told line #2 quite a few times. Is that what you really think makes a man? Having a dick? I know yours is probably doing all the thinking when you say this to me. But there is more to it then that. Even if I did have one, you wouldn't be someone I would use it with.
3) I am a cute enough boy for you to be physically attracted to me. It is only your narrow mind that is stopping you from seeing me as a guy.
Life would be a whole lot easier for me if people really thought about what it means to be a guy, or a girl and why it is apparently so important.
Is it the body that determines gender?
Girls are soft, hairless, skinny, with long hair, and high voices. They have ovaries, breasts, and an uterus.
How many girls do you know that fit into those categories? How many do you know that don't?
If a girl cuts her hair short, does she stop being a girl?
What about cancer survivors who have breasts, or their reproductive parts removed. Are they no longer women?
Men are muscular, hairy, with broad shoulders, and a deep voice. They have a penis, and testicles.
How many guys do you know that fit into these categories? How many do you know that don't?
I know lots of guys who don't fit into these qualities. A lot of them are the ones saying the lines previously mentioned to me.
They wax all their hair away. Their voices are lispy and light. Does that mean they aren't men?
What about the sports star that losses a testicle in an accident during the game, is he no longer a man?
Gender and Sex are different things all together. Sex is in your pants, and gender is in your head.
So we've past that hurdle. I am female bodied, but my gender has nothing to do with that.
So what is gender? What does a person do to make them fit into a gender? Who judges, and sets the rules? Why have you not asked yourself this before? From the minute we are born these rules are pushed on us. The first thing we hear when we are born is "It's a boy!" or "It's a girl!"
Decision made. You get no choice. You accept that this is the role you play. Girls in pink, with the dolls. Boys in blue, with the trucks.
What do REAL men do? How many times have you been told you aren't a real man because of something you did? There are apparently so many rules, and characteristics about what is appropriate for men to do.
Real men don't cry. Says one person. Another is quick to contradict that real, strong men DO cry.
Okay let's try again.
Real men don't wear pink. Whoops, all the gay men are out with that one.
Often these rules that are designated to separate genders are neanderthal like. People and actions are not simple enough to be shoved completely into one box or the other. Yet society fights so hard to uphold only these two choices. There is no in-between.
What makes YOU a real man or woman? How do you know?
Maybe you are a person who was lucky enough to have their gender, and sex match up. You've never had to think about this before, you are just happy being who you are. You've never challenged the role you live.
I am not one of those people. I don't fit.
I'm not a girl.
But I am not willing to be shoved 100% into the boy box either.
I'm in-between. I said this before, I am the energy that flows between the two. If I had to pick, which is the place I am now, deciding whether or not I can survive in this world as this in-between. Because trust me, it is not easy. Being ungendered in a world that has gender incorporated into everything is not simple. It's not fun being laughed at, and gawked at. It's not fun being pushed around. So if society is going to force me to pick, which I think is going to happen, I pick boy. I feel more like a guy.
If you are Queer, it is very similar to discovering your sexuality. It was confusing, and you may have sought out information about being Queer on the internet, friends or books. About what a gay person looks like, and how they act. But just like gender that doesn't hold true for everyone under that label.
Sure some gay guys are feminine, or like fashion. But a lot of them don't.
Some gay girls have short hair cuts, and like sports. But a lot of them don't.
Those shared qualities helped you along the way. They were nods that reinforced your decision
But in the end discovering whether you were Queer or not came down to how you FELT. No one could tell you that you were gay. No one characteristic, or personality trait defines your sexuality.
No one can tell you what your gender is. It is how you FEEL. No one can tell you that you are not a girl because ___. No one can tell me that I am not a boy because ___. You feel like a girl, boy, neither, both, whatever the hell you want.
Gay guys, and straight girls are in the exact same boat when it comes to how they feel about me. Being attracted to me makes them feel like their sexual orientation is being challenged.
If a straight girl likes me, does that mean she is a lesbian?
If a gay guy likes me, does that mean he is *gulp* straight?
Girls seem to deal with this situation the easiest. They don't let it stop them from perusing anything with me. They don't like me because they think I am a girl, or a boy. They don't let that factor in. They just like me for me. Their girl friends seem accepting of it too. They don't harass her about being a lesbian, because they themselves see that I am not a girl.
I think girls see me as a boy much easier then guys do for the same reason guys have trouble with it. The differences between us.
Right away girls can tell that I am not like them.
No long hair, no make up, no women's clothing, no hair twirling. I don't sit like them. I don't talk like, or about the same things as they do. My mannerisms are different then theirs.
They see so many differences that it is clear to them that I am not one of them.
I like musicals, and chick flicks.
I am better in touch with my feelings, and I express them.
I can be delicate, emotionally and physically.
Those are a few of the similarities that I share with girls. But really I have that in common with most gay guys.
Guys weigh the differences more heavily, even when there are more similarities between us.
Instead of hearing the similar speech patterns. All they hear is my high voice.
They never really see me as anything other then a girl, despite the fact that they are attracted to me because I am so boy like. They can't let go of the titles. It is one or the other for them. This makes me sad, because I feel like I best connect with gay guys. I feel most like myself around them. It would be nice to be accepted as one of the boys.
I hope you can see me the way I want to be seen. I want to be judged on my heart, more then on my looks.
I'm going to end this now, because I could talk for days about gender. There will be another post about this again. But not for a while, I promise a fun and witty post soon.
2) "Why can't you just grow a penis?"
3) "I want to make out with you. I wish you were a guy."
Ugh. Those are a few of the lines I often hear from gay guys and straight girls. Thanks Champs, they make me feel great.
In response to line #1, this is how I feel.
If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, it's safe to call it a duck.
If I look like a cute boy to you, talk like a cute boy, I think that means I am a cute boy.
I've actually been told line #2 quite a few times. Is that what you really think makes a man? Having a dick? I know yours is probably doing all the thinking when you say this to me. But there is more to it then that. Even if I did have one, you wouldn't be someone I would use it with.
3) I am a cute enough boy for you to be physically attracted to me. It is only your narrow mind that is stopping you from seeing me as a guy.
Life would be a whole lot easier for me if people really thought about what it means to be a guy, or a girl and why it is apparently so important.
Is it the body that determines gender?
Girls are soft, hairless, skinny, with long hair, and high voices. They have ovaries, breasts, and an uterus.
How many girls do you know that fit into those categories? How many do you know that don't?
If a girl cuts her hair short, does she stop being a girl?
What about cancer survivors who have breasts, or their reproductive parts removed. Are they no longer women?
Men are muscular, hairy, with broad shoulders, and a deep voice. They have a penis, and testicles.
How many guys do you know that fit into these categories? How many do you know that don't?
I know lots of guys who don't fit into these qualities. A lot of them are the ones saying the lines previously mentioned to me.
They wax all their hair away. Their voices are lispy and light. Does that mean they aren't men?
What about the sports star that losses a testicle in an accident during the game, is he no longer a man?
Gender and Sex are different things all together. Sex is in your pants, and gender is in your head.
So we've past that hurdle. I am female bodied, but my gender has nothing to do with that.
So what is gender? What does a person do to make them fit into a gender? Who judges, and sets the rules? Why have you not asked yourself this before? From the minute we are born these rules are pushed on us. The first thing we hear when we are born is "It's a boy!" or "It's a girl!"
Decision made. You get no choice. You accept that this is the role you play. Girls in pink, with the dolls. Boys in blue, with the trucks.
What do REAL men do? How many times have you been told you aren't a real man because of something you did? There are apparently so many rules, and characteristics about what is appropriate for men to do.
Real men don't cry. Says one person. Another is quick to contradict that real, strong men DO cry.
Okay let's try again.
Real men don't wear pink. Whoops, all the gay men are out with that one.
Often these rules that are designated to separate genders are neanderthal like. People and actions are not simple enough to be shoved completely into one box or the other. Yet society fights so hard to uphold only these two choices. There is no in-between.
What makes YOU a real man or woman? How do you know?
Maybe you are a person who was lucky enough to have their gender, and sex match up. You've never had to think about this before, you are just happy being who you are. You've never challenged the role you live.
I am not one of those people. I don't fit.
I'm not a girl.
But I am not willing to be shoved 100% into the boy box either.
I'm in-between. I said this before, I am the energy that flows between the two. If I had to pick, which is the place I am now, deciding whether or not I can survive in this world as this in-between. Because trust me, it is not easy. Being ungendered in a world that has gender incorporated into everything is not simple. It's not fun being laughed at, and gawked at. It's not fun being pushed around. So if society is going to force me to pick, which I think is going to happen, I pick boy. I feel more like a guy.
If you are Queer, it is very similar to discovering your sexuality. It was confusing, and you may have sought out information about being Queer on the internet, friends or books. About what a gay person looks like, and how they act. But just like gender that doesn't hold true for everyone under that label.
Sure some gay guys are feminine, or like fashion. But a lot of them don't.
Some gay girls have short hair cuts, and like sports. But a lot of them don't.
Those shared qualities helped you along the way. They were nods that reinforced your decision
But in the end discovering whether you were Queer or not came down to how you FELT. No one could tell you that you were gay. No one characteristic, or personality trait defines your sexuality.
No one can tell you what your gender is. It is how you FEEL. No one can tell you that you are not a girl because ___. No one can tell me that I am not a boy because ___. You feel like a girl, boy, neither, both, whatever the hell you want.
Gay guys, and straight girls are in the exact same boat when it comes to how they feel about me. Being attracted to me makes them feel like their sexual orientation is being challenged.
If a straight girl likes me, does that mean she is a lesbian?
If a gay guy likes me, does that mean he is *gulp* straight?
Girls seem to deal with this situation the easiest. They don't let it stop them from perusing anything with me. They don't like me because they think I am a girl, or a boy. They don't let that factor in. They just like me for me. Their girl friends seem accepting of it too. They don't harass her about being a lesbian, because they themselves see that I am not a girl.
I think girls see me as a boy much easier then guys do for the same reason guys have trouble with it. The differences between us.
Right away girls can tell that I am not like them.
No long hair, no make up, no women's clothing, no hair twirling. I don't sit like them. I don't talk like, or about the same things as they do. My mannerisms are different then theirs.
They see so many differences that it is clear to them that I am not one of them.
I like musicals, and chick flicks.
I am better in touch with my feelings, and I express them.
I can be delicate, emotionally and physically.
Those are a few of the similarities that I share with girls. But really I have that in common with most gay guys.
Guys weigh the differences more heavily, even when there are more similarities between us.
Instead of hearing the similar speech patterns. All they hear is my high voice.
They never really see me as anything other then a girl, despite the fact that they are attracted to me because I am so boy like. They can't let go of the titles. It is one or the other for them. This makes me sad, because I feel like I best connect with gay guys. I feel most like myself around them. It would be nice to be accepted as one of the boys.
I hope you can see me the way I want to be seen. I want to be judged on my heart, more then on my looks.
I'm going to end this now, because I could talk for days about gender. There will be another post about this again. But not for a while, I promise a fun and witty post soon.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Titanic - Disc One
The long awaited Pride day happened yesterday. It was just as exciting, and eventful as I thought it was going to be.
It really felt like two separate days, which is why I am going to separate this post into two. It is like the Titanic . . . not only because it is split into two. But because they are going to be long, just like the movie. Only these posts will have a surprise twist in the end, unlike the Titanic. We all know how that ends.
Prepare yourself, go pee, get some popcorn, and get ready for the unsinkable night.
The parade was a great start to the day. I was actually a few minutes late for it. The parade started right on time which is a rare occurrence. It usually runs on Gay Time. I was running on Gay time, which is why I missed the first block of it.
The parade was good, but the community fair that took place after was better. I talked to so many people I had not seen in a while. What I liked best was that I was able to talk with people I see quite often, but never have a good conversation with. That is what Pride does to people. Everyone reconnects with each other, groups that don't normally interact too much hang out and have fun together. Had it been any event other then Pride with all these groups together, it may have ended in blood. Think WW4, only with mullets and canned beer. So it was nice to see everyone getting along, though the peace didn't last to long for myself.
It was a surprise who I spent the majority of the day with. Not my Queer friends, but my other group of friends. The music scene crew, Grace and her friends.
I socialized for a few hours, then I headed home for a much needed nap. A day out in the sun can be a very exhausting, especially with all that competitive energy that exists when we are all around each other.
It took a long time for me to get ready to go out for the night. I knew it was going to be almost unbearably hot at the dances. Which made me want to dress simply, for comforts sake. But I decided to dress up in a bow tie and suspenders, because I knew I was going to be around Silk Spectre. It was her birthday, and she bought a special outfit for the night. It's a good thing I dressed up, because she looked stunning. She did regularly stun me into the inability to form words.
It's kind of fitting that I looked like a Leprechaun in my green pants and bow tie, because I felt like the luckiest person to be in her company for the night.
I felt like I was not just an audience to her beauty, but part of it, adding to it.
I sound smooth right now. But last night I couldn't form a decent compliment. I managed a "You look really beautiful." Which is the biggest understatement since my friend said movies based on Nicholas Sparks books are just a little cheesy.
After finally deciding on an outfit, I went to my friends CD release. I also went on Friday to see her play, and both shows were extraordinary. She makes beautiful music, and I feel so grateful every time I get to see her play. Even greater a gift then her music is her friendship.
From there I rushed to pick up Silk Spectre so we could head to the Pride dance on Broadway. The dance was decorated wonderfully, and we were greeted by our best looking guy friends in tiny tight glittered underwear. The dance was okay. The crowd was an unusual one. It was a 16+ dance, so there were lots of young kids and they could get to be a bit much. There were a lot of older people, who just sat around for the majority of the time we were there. The DJ was a let down. He played bad songs, and would regularly turn the sound off so the audience could yell the lyrics. But not enough people would, so it would just go quiet. It was very reminiscent of high school dances.
There was a really fantastic drag show at the dance. There were Spanish dancers, SEXY! And one of the best drag numbers that I have seen in a long time. A song from Grease was in the number, and I love Grease. When I was a kid, I would dress up as Danny Zuko.
From the dance Silk Spectre and I went to Diva's to have a dance party.
Okay, so this is the end of the first post. Read the second one, because that is where the twist happens.
It really felt like two separate days, which is why I am going to separate this post into two. It is like the Titanic . . . not only because it is split into two. But because they are going to be long, just like the movie. Only these posts will have a surprise twist in the end, unlike the Titanic. We all know how that ends.
Prepare yourself, go pee, get some popcorn, and get ready for the unsinkable night.
The parade was a great start to the day. I was actually a few minutes late for it. The parade started right on time which is a rare occurrence. It usually runs on Gay Time. I was running on Gay time, which is why I missed the first block of it.
The parade was good, but the community fair that took place after was better. I talked to so many people I had not seen in a while. What I liked best was that I was able to talk with people I see quite often, but never have a good conversation with. That is what Pride does to people. Everyone reconnects with each other, groups that don't normally interact too much hang out and have fun together. Had it been any event other then Pride with all these groups together, it may have ended in blood. Think WW4, only with mullets and canned beer. So it was nice to see everyone getting along, though the peace didn't last to long for myself.
It was a surprise who I spent the majority of the day with. Not my Queer friends, but my other group of friends. The music scene crew, Grace and her friends.
I socialized for a few hours, then I headed home for a much needed nap. A day out in the sun can be a very exhausting, especially with all that competitive energy that exists when we are all around each other.
It took a long time for me to get ready to go out for the night. I knew it was going to be almost unbearably hot at the dances. Which made me want to dress simply, for comforts sake. But I decided to dress up in a bow tie and suspenders, because I knew I was going to be around Silk Spectre. It was her birthday, and she bought a special outfit for the night. It's a good thing I dressed up, because she looked stunning. She did regularly stun me into the inability to form words.
It's kind of fitting that I looked like a Leprechaun in my green pants and bow tie, because I felt like the luckiest person to be in her company for the night.
I felt like I was not just an audience to her beauty, but part of it, adding to it.
I sound smooth right now. But last night I couldn't form a decent compliment. I managed a "You look really beautiful." Which is the biggest understatement since my friend said movies based on Nicholas Sparks books are just a little cheesy.
After finally deciding on an outfit, I went to my friends CD release. I also went on Friday to see her play, and both shows were extraordinary. She makes beautiful music, and I feel so grateful every time I get to see her play. Even greater a gift then her music is her friendship.
From there I rushed to pick up Silk Spectre so we could head to the Pride dance on Broadway. The dance was decorated wonderfully, and we were greeted by our best looking guy friends in tiny tight glittered underwear. The dance was okay. The crowd was an unusual one. It was a 16+ dance, so there were lots of young kids and they could get to be a bit much. There were a lot of older people, who just sat around for the majority of the time we were there. The DJ was a let down. He played bad songs, and would regularly turn the sound off so the audience could yell the lyrics. But not enough people would, so it would just go quiet. It was very reminiscent of high school dances.
There was a really fantastic drag show at the dance. There were Spanish dancers, SEXY! And one of the best drag numbers that I have seen in a long time. A song from Grease was in the number, and I love Grease. When I was a kid, I would dress up as Danny Zuko.
From the dance Silk Spectre and I went to Diva's to have a dance party.
Okay, so this is the end of the first post. Read the second one, because that is where the twist happens.
Titanic - Disc Two
Silk Spectre and I have migrated to the real party, Diva's.
I danced with Silk Spectre for a good chunk of the night while we were at Diva's. It was a sexy, beautiful time. See! This is exactly like Titanic. This is the scene when they have their dance party in the bottom of the deck.
Only from this point on the night kinda takes a dip in the fun level. Just like what happened with all the passengers! Oh snap!
My plan was to kiss Silk Spectre for the first time last night. I thought it would be a good present. I like to make first kisses memorial, because you only get one. Being Pride, and her birthday, I thought last night was a great choice. But that plan went askew by the time I got enough courage to do it, Silk Spectre was a little bit drunk. And Gentlemen don't kiss drunk girls. I’m not upset about missing out on kissing her. It will happen if it is supposed too.
I am just going to sum Diva's up really neat.
Silk Spectre and I have a sexy, good time together
Justin Bobby tells me I should make out with Silk Spectre even though she is drunk, charming.
Silk Spectre and Justin Bobby have a sexy, good time together.
Silk Spectre and Random Girl have a sexy, good time together.
I was left wondering what this funny sensation was that was happening inside me while seeing her with other people. I think I was feeling a bit confused at how Silk Spectre ended up having the night I wanted. I was also caught off guard by the realization that I like her a little bit more then I thought. Like I would love to make out with her, hold hands, and then NOT ignore her. Whoa! I know sounds like a small achievement for most, but having all three happen for a person is a big deal for me.
Or these unknown feelings may have been all the stuffed mushrooms I ate earlier.
I'm quite sure it was the mushrooms.
That's the twist my friends. I expected a Pride night full of flirting, and fun with any pretty girl. A night of being the Player (Play her) that I am talked about by others for being (might as well do the crime, if I am doing the time). What I got was the realization that I actually like one girl.
Realizing I have a crush on her doesn't change my game plan for the summer. I still plan on having lots of flirty fun, and being open to something real if it comes along. Maybe I will just direct extra charm toward Silk Spectre.
Really, this could develop into the best situation ever. I have been wanting someone I can have sexy fun with, and enjoy being around. But not be tied down to. I want to be able to flirt, and have fun with other people too. Basically I want to have my cake, and eat it too.
We all just want someone to make out with. Let's get real for a second. You can deny it, but you know it is true. You can attach any label or rules to it that you want. Whether it is dating, seeing someone, fucking, open relationship (my fav), or forever. Whatever the name, we all just want some lovin'.
After a trip to Denny's I made it into bed by 5:00 A.M. Only to have a car alarm go off FOUR! FOUR! FOUR TIMES!!!! outside my window. Really. That is God playing tricks with me, that's what that is.
"Let's see how much Avery can take. Oh, she's just falling to sleep. Jesus, come here! Watch what your Papa can do." *Car Alarm Noise*
** After a proper amount of sleep, thought, and digestion of the stuffed mushroom I edited this post. **
* A new name, Justin Bobby, has been brought up. But I really don't want to talk about her, I will explain another time.*
- Peace
I danced with Silk Spectre for a good chunk of the night while we were at Diva's. It was a sexy, beautiful time. See! This is exactly like Titanic. This is the scene when they have their dance party in the bottom of the deck.
Only from this point on the night kinda takes a dip in the fun level. Just like what happened with all the passengers! Oh snap!
My plan was to kiss Silk Spectre for the first time last night. I thought it would be a good present. I like to make first kisses memorial, because you only get one. Being Pride, and her birthday, I thought last night was a great choice. But that plan went askew by the time I got enough courage to do it, Silk Spectre was a little bit drunk. And Gentlemen don't kiss drunk girls. I’m not upset about missing out on kissing her. It will happen if it is supposed too.
I am just going to sum Diva's up really neat.
Silk Spectre and I have a sexy, good time together
Justin Bobby tells me I should make out with Silk Spectre even though she is drunk, charming.
Silk Spectre and Justin Bobby have a sexy, good time together.
Silk Spectre and Random Girl have a sexy, good time together.
I was left wondering what this funny sensation was that was happening inside me while seeing her with other people. I think I was feeling a bit confused at how Silk Spectre ended up having the night I wanted. I was also caught off guard by the realization that I like her a little bit more then I thought. Like I would love to make out with her, hold hands, and then NOT ignore her. Whoa! I know sounds like a small achievement for most, but having all three happen for a person is a big deal for me.
Or these unknown feelings may have been all the stuffed mushrooms I ate earlier.
I'm quite sure it was the mushrooms.
That's the twist my friends. I expected a Pride night full of flirting, and fun with any pretty girl. A night of being the Player (Play her) that I am talked about by others for being (might as well do the crime, if I am doing the time). What I got was the realization that I actually like one girl.
Realizing I have a crush on her doesn't change my game plan for the summer. I still plan on having lots of flirty fun, and being open to something real if it comes along. Maybe I will just direct extra charm toward Silk Spectre.
Really, this could develop into the best situation ever. I have been wanting someone I can have sexy fun with, and enjoy being around. But not be tied down to. I want to be able to flirt, and have fun with other people too. Basically I want to have my cake, and eat it too.
We all just want someone to make out with. Let's get real for a second. You can deny it, but you know it is true. You can attach any label or rules to it that you want. Whether it is dating, seeing someone, fucking, open relationship (my fav), or forever. Whatever the name, we all just want some lovin'.
After a trip to Denny's I made it into bed by 5:00 A.M. Only to have a car alarm go off FOUR! FOUR! FOUR TIMES!!!! outside my window. Really. That is God playing tricks with me, that's what that is.
"Let's see how much Avery can take. Oh, she's just falling to sleep. Jesus, come here! Watch what your Papa can do." *Car Alarm Noise*
** After a proper amount of sleep, thought, and digestion of the stuffed mushroom I edited this post. **
* A new name, Justin Bobby, has been brought up. But I really don't want to talk about her, I will explain another time.*
- Peace
Friday, June 12, 2009
Well I'd like to think I'm the mess you'd wear with pride.
I let love be the driving force in my life. I try to let each thought, action, and word come from a place of love. But I am human, I slip up.
I've been having trouble connecting with other people on an intimate personal level. (No, I don't mean in bed. I am always good in bed.) My friendships, my relationships with co-workers and family are all in decent shape. But I have been putting a wall between myself and potential love interests.
I find something wrong with the person. It can be something minimal, and insignificant. But I let it be an excuse as to why this one isn't worth it.
I've been thinking with my head, when this is a matter to be ruled by the heart. The head is concerned with those silly little offences. The heart would see what really matters, the person’s soul.
Until I let my heart lead like I have with other areas of my life, I am only going to hit the walls I've built.
I really am just waiting for that moment, that feeling, when I know I have found a person I have a real connection with. It has happened to me in the past. I can pin point the exact moment when I felt her wave of energy pulse through me. I am waiting for that to happen again. But I don't know if it ever will, maybe it was a one time thing and I am waiting around for something that isn't going to happen again. I think this need to have that moment is coming from my soul, and is not an excuse from my head. If I need that moment to know I have found someone I really connect with, then I should wait for it. Right?
I've noticed a pattern with the last few romantic interests in my life, and it is not a good one. They seem to be more concerned with what I am, and not who I am.
My gender, or lack thereof is more of a concern then it should be. My heart and soul are what really matters.
I know why it is important for them to understand what I am. They feel the need to define an aspect of themselves in order to feel comfortable. But they seem to be willing to do it at the cost of my own comfort. They want to mold me into the gender that best fits their definition of who they are.
In the past I have let people do that, when I was less sure of who I am. But I won't let that happen again. The person has to accept my soul for what it is, and what it is not.
I'm not sure if this problem is occurring because I have feelings I haven't work through with myself. I know I am not perfectly at peace with my gender situation. I am still figuring out who I am, and what that means. I am accepting of it, whatever I decide it is. But maybe because I don't have that solid answer for myself it is being brought up by others.
But really how can I ever get a solid answer to that. What is a woman? What is a man? The answers are always changing.
I am happy and content in this moment to be the energy that flows and connects the two. Now I just need to find a person that loves and accepts that.
-
Yes, I believe in love,
Yes, I am a dreamer.
But I am not alone.
There are more of us then you suspect,
and we've got bombs,
truth and beauty bombs.
I've been having trouble connecting with other people on an intimate personal level. (No, I don't mean in bed. I am always good in bed.) My friendships, my relationships with co-workers and family are all in decent shape. But I have been putting a wall between myself and potential love interests.
I find something wrong with the person. It can be something minimal, and insignificant. But I let it be an excuse as to why this one isn't worth it.
I've been thinking with my head, when this is a matter to be ruled by the heart. The head is concerned with those silly little offences. The heart would see what really matters, the person’s soul.
Until I let my heart lead like I have with other areas of my life, I am only going to hit the walls I've built.
I really am just waiting for that moment, that feeling, when I know I have found a person I have a real connection with. It has happened to me in the past. I can pin point the exact moment when I felt her wave of energy pulse through me. I am waiting for that to happen again. But I don't know if it ever will, maybe it was a one time thing and I am waiting around for something that isn't going to happen again. I think this need to have that moment is coming from my soul, and is not an excuse from my head. If I need that moment to know I have found someone I really connect with, then I should wait for it. Right?
I've noticed a pattern with the last few romantic interests in my life, and it is not a good one. They seem to be more concerned with what I am, and not who I am.
My gender, or lack thereof is more of a concern then it should be. My heart and soul are what really matters.
I know why it is important for them to understand what I am. They feel the need to define an aspect of themselves in order to feel comfortable. But they seem to be willing to do it at the cost of my own comfort. They want to mold me into the gender that best fits their definition of who they are.
In the past I have let people do that, when I was less sure of who I am. But I won't let that happen again. The person has to accept my soul for what it is, and what it is not.
I'm not sure if this problem is occurring because I have feelings I haven't work through with myself. I know I am not perfectly at peace with my gender situation. I am still figuring out who I am, and what that means. I am accepting of it, whatever I decide it is. But maybe because I don't have that solid answer for myself it is being brought up by others.
But really how can I ever get a solid answer to that. What is a woman? What is a man? The answers are always changing.
I am happy and content in this moment to be the energy that flows and connects the two. Now I just need to find a person that loves and accepts that.
-
Yes, I believe in love,
Yes, I am a dreamer.
But I am not alone.
There are more of us then you suspect,
and we've got bombs,
truth and beauty bombs.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Zing!
Gay Bingo!
Was so much fun! Thanks to my beautiful, and humourous friends. We were the rowdy table during the night. If you think bingo is boring, you need to play a game with my friends. It is non stop impressions of older women with smoky voices, and lots of lucky trolls and ponies. The numbers were called by drag queens, so the night was full of dirty jokes.
My arm is still a little sore today, from all that dabbing. Now I know how teenage boys, and married mens arms feel.. if you know what I mean. If you don’t, I will have to spell it out for you. My arm hurts because of bingo, but I compared it to the soreness of a teenage boy, or married mans arm due to masturbating. Because those are the only groups of people who do that.
I went shopping with Goddess today, and bought a few brightly coloured skinny pants. It is a first for me. I really like them, and I think they look decent on me. When I wear the green pair, I look like a blade of grass waving in the wind. I should take up interpretive dance. I can artfully recreate the death of a blade of grass due to a lawn mower.
I have been taking it pretty easy lately. I’m saving energy for this weekend. I should just eat a cake or two, and then hibernate. It works for bears, and I'm pretty sure that is what Beyonce does between cd releases.
This weekend is going to be CRAZY! Partying all the time.
Saturday I am going to walk in the Pride Parade. It is always a good time. I see so many friends there, it will be really good to catch up and say ‘hi’ to everyone. I love seeing how many of us there actually are, when we take over the street our numbers look huge. We all come together to have a good time, and celebrate. I hope the Radical Cheerleaders are there. I love their cheers.
After the Parade, there is a gathering on City Hall. I love the fact that it is on City Hall, with a beer garden and everything. It feels like we are breaking the rules, or something.
From there I am heading to Silky Spectre's birthday party. I hope she has a good birthday. Sometimes birthdays get so much work and excitement put into them that they never really live up to what they were supposed to be. But it is the same night as the best party of the summer, how could it not be fun?
Yes, this weekend is a non stop party. There are a few people who are usually still pretty drunk at the parade from the night before. It just continues on into the night. No one feels their best on Sunday.
If anyone was to judge us off this weekend alone, they would think we all need a good stint in rehab. Maybe I could share a room with Lindsay Lohan! Well they wouldn't think I needed rehab, because I don't drink. But I still get pretty crazy.
I stop worrying about consequences, and the proper thing to do for one night. Well I let go for me, which is still really tame for most people.
Maybe that is why we all feel so bad on Sunday, all those consequences from the night before slap us right in the face. Like Cher, "Snap out of it!" How awesome would it be if the spirit of consequences looked like Cher! Well we all know she looks like the consequence of plastic surgery. Zing!
From Silky Spectre's party I am heading to the Pride Dance on Broadway. I still need to find a gold bow tie! Help! A friend of mine is putting on the dance, so I know it will be spectacular. He is a really hard worker, and he has an amazing sense for making things fun. The music is being put on by DJ Trouble from Wired 96.3. It will be a nice change from the regular DJ's of Diva's.
The night is just beginning my friends, grab a few energy drinks for the real party has yet to happen. Diva's!!! The dance on Broadway ends early, at one, so from there everyone will head to Diva's. It is going to be packed to capacity in there. I am going to dance, and sweat a few pounds off. The atmosphere on that night is so electric. Everyone is buzzing with energy. So many hot girls *crosses fingers*, and hot boys.
Pride makes everyone a little slutty. Let's be honest. If we are celebrating our love, we want some fucking lovin'. Right? Well that is what I am going to tell myself to make myself feel better about what I do this weekend.
I am going to apologize now, for my actions this Saturday. I am not going to wake up with a tattoo on my face, married, or in bed next to someone I don't know. But I will be a huge flirt, and will probably push some lines. I may wake up with a tattoo, just not on my face. Maybe something classy, like a pair of lips on my inner thigh.
I'm going to eat those two cakes, and nap. Prepare to get sweet.
- Avery 'Blade of Grass' Eros
Was so much fun! Thanks to my beautiful, and humourous friends. We were the rowdy table during the night. If you think bingo is boring, you need to play a game with my friends. It is non stop impressions of older women with smoky voices, and lots of lucky trolls and ponies. The numbers were called by drag queens, so the night was full of dirty jokes.
My arm is still a little sore today, from all that dabbing. Now I know how teenage boys, and married mens arms feel.. if you know what I mean. If you don’t, I will have to spell it out for you. My arm hurts because of bingo, but I compared it to the soreness of a teenage boy, or married mans arm due to masturbating. Because those are the only groups of people who do that.
I went shopping with Goddess today, and bought a few brightly coloured skinny pants. It is a first for me. I really like them, and I think they look decent on me. When I wear the green pair, I look like a blade of grass waving in the wind. I should take up interpretive dance. I can artfully recreate the death of a blade of grass due to a lawn mower.
I have been taking it pretty easy lately. I’m saving energy for this weekend. I should just eat a cake or two, and then hibernate. It works for bears, and I'm pretty sure that is what Beyonce does between cd releases.
This weekend is going to be CRAZY! Partying all the time.
Saturday I am going to walk in the Pride Parade. It is always a good time. I see so many friends there, it will be really good to catch up and say ‘hi’ to everyone. I love seeing how many of us there actually are, when we take over the street our numbers look huge. We all come together to have a good time, and celebrate. I hope the Radical Cheerleaders are there. I love their cheers.
After the Parade, there is a gathering on City Hall. I love the fact that it is on City Hall, with a beer garden and everything. It feels like we are breaking the rules, or something.
From there I am heading to Silky Spectre's birthday party. I hope she has a good birthday. Sometimes birthdays get so much work and excitement put into them that they never really live up to what they were supposed to be. But it is the same night as the best party of the summer, how could it not be fun?
Yes, this weekend is a non stop party. There are a few people who are usually still pretty drunk at the parade from the night before. It just continues on into the night. No one feels their best on Sunday.
If anyone was to judge us off this weekend alone, they would think we all need a good stint in rehab. Maybe I could share a room with Lindsay Lohan! Well they wouldn't think I needed rehab, because I don't drink. But I still get pretty crazy.
I stop worrying about consequences, and the proper thing to do for one night. Well I let go for me, which is still really tame for most people.
Maybe that is why we all feel so bad on Sunday, all those consequences from the night before slap us right in the face. Like Cher, "Snap out of it!" How awesome would it be if the spirit of consequences looked like Cher! Well we all know she looks like the consequence of plastic surgery. Zing!
From Silky Spectre's party I am heading to the Pride Dance on Broadway. I still need to find a gold bow tie! Help! A friend of mine is putting on the dance, so I know it will be spectacular. He is a really hard worker, and he has an amazing sense for making things fun. The music is being put on by DJ Trouble from Wired 96.3. It will be a nice change from the regular DJ's of Diva's.
The night is just beginning my friends, grab a few energy drinks for the real party has yet to happen. Diva's!!! The dance on Broadway ends early, at one, so from there everyone will head to Diva's. It is going to be packed to capacity in there. I am going to dance, and sweat a few pounds off. The atmosphere on that night is so electric. Everyone is buzzing with energy. So many hot girls *crosses fingers*, and hot boys.
Pride makes everyone a little slutty. Let's be honest. If we are celebrating our love, we want some fucking lovin'. Right? Well that is what I am going to tell myself to make myself feel better about what I do this weekend.
I am going to apologize now, for my actions this Saturday. I am not going to wake up with a tattoo on my face, married, or in bed next to someone I don't know. But I will be a huge flirt, and will probably push some lines. I may wake up with a tattoo, just not on my face. Maybe something classy, like a pair of lips on my inner thigh.
I'm going to eat those two cakes, and nap. Prepare to get sweet.
- Avery 'Blade of Grass' Eros
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
First Date 101
I am, by far, no expert on relationships.
However, I have had my fair share of first dates (even if the person I'm with doesn't know it is actually a date). I also consider myself quite skilled in the art of flirting.
First dates can be nerve racking, and stressful. It's about trying to make a good impression, in a small amount of time. They can end up being very much like an interview. Only minus the middle-aged balding fat guy with a mustard stain on his tie, hopefully.
Just like in an interview there are a few things that you should not do or say, because they may hurt your chance at impressing the other person.
Everyone should know the basics:
No unattractive bodily functions.
Don't cry.
Don't talk about a past relationship the whole time.
Don't say anything that is super politically incorrect.
Don't show up in sweats/pajamas pants/stained tee/fugly outfit. Put some effort into your appearance.
Those are simple rules to follow, but I'm just getting started. No one said a first date was an easy thing to do well. I'm hoping these little tips will help you out, and you will have a more successful first date. Or they will remind you of a past first date that was really bad, and you can have a good laugh.
During a first date the conversation should be fairly balanced. Each person should get equal amounts of talking time. No one wants to go on a date, and not be able to get a single word in. If you want to talk about nothing but yourself for a couple hours, go see a therapist. Don't go on a date. I don't want to know the name of every teacher you had in grade school.
Laugh. Be funny, show the person you have a wicked sense of humour. Humour is always high on the list of what someone looks for in a person. Even though they are probably lying, and really are just to correct to say they want someone beautiful and rich. However, humour is not quoting Family Guy for the entire length of the date. It is also not a good idea to say inside jokes, if that person is not part of the original joke. It just leads to lengthy, boring explanations and the person having to fake a laugh out of politeness. Also if you are funny, you make your date laugh and you hear what it sounds like. Which is a huge factor in the decision to go on another date. See this Family Guy clip for further explanation.
I know I just said don't quote Family Guy as your humour, but I'm not on a date with you. I-I-I just see you as a friend, you know.. I mean, I'm actually seeing someone.. her name is.. Blake.. Yeah. Blake Lively. But if I was single I would totally date you. You are really great. I am totally missing out, too bad for me. It's me, not you.
I mentioned this already, but this needs to be stressed. Do not talk about an ex for the whole time. Don't even bring them up. If the other person does, a brief, undetailed explanation about your past relationships is all that is required. The longer you talk about them, the more apparent it is that you are not over them. Which causes the person you are on a date with to lose interest, because no one wants to deal with that drama.
Lesbians are famous for moving very quickly in relationships. All those U-Haul, and turkey baster jokes are true. But I have learned it is not just lesbians who run head first into relationships, some straight girls do it too. Be present during a first date. Do not talk about the future. Don't ask where you think this 'relationship' is headed, because there is no relationship. I can barely remember your name at this point. Don't mention the possibility of commitment. Keep it light. Leave the U-haul, personal items, and future babies names at home.
There are a few things that raise warning flags, sound alarms, and signal flashing lights to go off in peoples heads. Things like saying, I love trying to figure out what animal is the road kill in the ditch. I like Donald Trumps hair style. Or I have a vial of blood as a necklace on.
Those go hand in hand with saying things like, I have an addictive personality. Or I wrote a love letter to my ex, and signed it in tears. Then I dropped it off at his house, and I happened to watch him sleep through his window for a couple hours.
What you have now told your date is you are going to get easily attached, and then turn into a stalker who is impossible to break up with.
No. Bad idea. This is when your date excuses themselves to the bathroom, but actually runs out the fire exit.
Resist the urge to text. I know it is hard to be not text for an hour or two, but you must. Texting on a date is rude. Unless you are sending a 911 text to a friend, to get out of a horrendously bad date. If not, keep it in your pants. Which leads me to the next point.
This tip isn't set in stone. Sometimes first dates are really just polite foreplay for a one night stand. If this is the case, ignore this point. If not, listen carefully. Don't try to steal second base at the end of the date. A nice hug, or kiss is a decent way to end a date. If you want something other then sex from the person, keep it short and innocent.
Which brings me to my last tip. This is a tip for after the date, but it is just as important as the tips for during the event.
After the date is done, don't bombard the person with a bunch of texts or phone calls. You just saw them! The more you send, the needier you are. Sending one a couple hours after the fact saying you had a nice time is okay. But don't send more asking for when it is going to happen again, because the other person may not want it too. That's okay if they decide that. First dates are just little testers, just because you go on one does not mean you are dating, or seeing each other, or have any duties owed to the person.
Those are pretty much the most important things I've learned in life to this point. I pass this wisdom onto you, use it wisely. Appreciate it. I had to go on lots of bad dates to learn all this. Your welcome, I did all the dirty work for you.
But really, the best tip I can give you is to just be yourself on dates. You are a kick ass person (I'm assuming), someone will see it. Dates are supposed to be fun, so don't stress over them. I have discovered I learn more about myself, and what I want with every date I go on. You are amazing, and beautiful. Don't let a bad date make you doubt that.
- Yoda of Love
Aves
However, I have had my fair share of first dates (even if the person I'm with doesn't know it is actually a date). I also consider myself quite skilled in the art of flirting.
First dates can be nerve racking, and stressful. It's about trying to make a good impression, in a small amount of time. They can end up being very much like an interview. Only minus the middle-aged balding fat guy with a mustard stain on his tie, hopefully.
Just like in an interview there are a few things that you should not do or say, because they may hurt your chance at impressing the other person.
Everyone should know the basics:
No unattractive bodily functions.
Don't cry.
Don't talk about a past relationship the whole time.
Don't say anything that is super politically incorrect.
Don't show up in sweats/pajamas pants/stained tee/fugly outfit. Put some effort into your appearance.
Those are simple rules to follow, but I'm just getting started. No one said a first date was an easy thing to do well. I'm hoping these little tips will help you out, and you will have a more successful first date. Or they will remind you of a past first date that was really bad, and you can have a good laugh.
During a first date the conversation should be fairly balanced. Each person should get equal amounts of talking time. No one wants to go on a date, and not be able to get a single word in. If you want to talk about nothing but yourself for a couple hours, go see a therapist. Don't go on a date. I don't want to know the name of every teacher you had in grade school.
Laugh. Be funny, show the person you have a wicked sense of humour. Humour is always high on the list of what someone looks for in a person. Even though they are probably lying, and really are just to correct to say they want someone beautiful and rich. However, humour is not quoting Family Guy for the entire length of the date. It is also not a good idea to say inside jokes, if that person is not part of the original joke. It just leads to lengthy, boring explanations and the person having to fake a laugh out of politeness. Also if you are funny, you make your date laugh and you hear what it sounds like. Which is a huge factor in the decision to go on another date. See this Family Guy clip for further explanation.
I know I just said don't quote Family Guy as your humour, but I'm not on a date with you. I-I-I just see you as a friend, you know.. I mean, I'm actually seeing someone.. her name is.. Blake.. Yeah. Blake Lively. But if I was single I would totally date you. You are really great. I am totally missing out, too bad for me. It's me, not you.
I mentioned this already, but this needs to be stressed. Do not talk about an ex for the whole time. Don't even bring them up. If the other person does, a brief, undetailed explanation about your past relationships is all that is required. The longer you talk about them, the more apparent it is that you are not over them. Which causes the person you are on a date with to lose interest, because no one wants to deal with that drama.
Lesbians are famous for moving very quickly in relationships. All those U-Haul, and turkey baster jokes are true. But I have learned it is not just lesbians who run head first into relationships, some straight girls do it too. Be present during a first date. Do not talk about the future. Don't ask where you think this 'relationship' is headed, because there is no relationship. I can barely remember your name at this point. Don't mention the possibility of commitment. Keep it light. Leave the U-haul, personal items, and future babies names at home.
There are a few things that raise warning flags, sound alarms, and signal flashing lights to go off in peoples heads. Things like saying, I love trying to figure out what animal is the road kill in the ditch. I like Donald Trumps hair style. Or I have a vial of blood as a necklace on.
Those go hand in hand with saying things like, I have an addictive personality. Or I wrote a love letter to my ex, and signed it in tears. Then I dropped it off at his house, and I happened to watch him sleep through his window for a couple hours.
What you have now told your date is you are going to get easily attached, and then turn into a stalker who is impossible to break up with.
No. Bad idea. This is when your date excuses themselves to the bathroom, but actually runs out the fire exit.
Resist the urge to text. I know it is hard to be not text for an hour or two, but you must. Texting on a date is rude. Unless you are sending a 911 text to a friend, to get out of a horrendously bad date. If not, keep it in your pants. Which leads me to the next point.
This tip isn't set in stone. Sometimes first dates are really just polite foreplay for a one night stand. If this is the case, ignore this point. If not, listen carefully. Don't try to steal second base at the end of the date. A nice hug, or kiss is a decent way to end a date. If you want something other then sex from the person, keep it short and innocent.
Which brings me to my last tip. This is a tip for after the date, but it is just as important as the tips for during the event.
After the date is done, don't bombard the person with a bunch of texts or phone calls. You just saw them! The more you send, the needier you are. Sending one a couple hours after the fact saying you had a nice time is okay. But don't send more asking for when it is going to happen again, because the other person may not want it too. That's okay if they decide that. First dates are just little testers, just because you go on one does not mean you are dating, or seeing each other, or have any duties owed to the person.
Those are pretty much the most important things I've learned in life to this point. I pass this wisdom onto you, use it wisely. Appreciate it. I had to go on lots of bad dates to learn all this. Your welcome, I did all the dirty work for you.
But really, the best tip I can give you is to just be yourself on dates. You are a kick ass person (I'm assuming), someone will see it. Dates are supposed to be fun, so don't stress over them. I have discovered I learn more about myself, and what I want with every date I go on. You are amazing, and beautiful. Don't let a bad date make you doubt that.
- Yoda of Love
Aves
I get by with a little help from my friends.
Warning: Mushy post to follow.
I love my friends. I love you.
I love you the way I love Superman. Not just with my entire heart. But in an awe that someone as beautiful, and pure exists.
I love your truth, and your honor.
And that fact that you guys wear tights, just like a superhero.
I love the profound meanings I hear in your simple words.
I can hear them even louder in our hugs, and in our laughter.
I respect you.
I respect you for who you are,
who you are working to be,
and who you want to be.
I feel like I am writing wedding vows. I might as well be, because you guys are stuck with me for life!
I promise to love and cherish you...
For real though, I don't think the people in my life know how much they mean to me. You guys are a huge chunk of my heart, like at least 3 out of the four chambers.
I'm honoured, and proud to call you my friends.
- A very sentimental Avery
^^ I didn't even plan that! A very! Avery! haha
Okay, yeah.. Bye now.
I love my friends. I love you.
I love you the way I love Superman. Not just with my entire heart. But in an awe that someone as beautiful, and pure exists.
I love your truth, and your honor.
And that fact that you guys wear tights, just like a superhero.
I love the profound meanings I hear in your simple words.
I can hear them even louder in our hugs, and in our laughter.
I respect you.
I respect you for who you are,
who you are working to be,
and who you want to be.
I feel like I am writing wedding vows. I might as well be, because you guys are stuck with me for life!
I promise to love and cherish you...
For real though, I don't think the people in my life know how much they mean to me. You guys are a huge chunk of my heart, like at least 3 out of the four chambers.
I'm honoured, and proud to call you my friends.
- A very sentimental Avery
^^ I didn't even plan that! A very! Avery! haha
Okay, yeah.. Bye now.
Happy Pride!!
It is Pride Week!! The best week of the summer, it is like Christmas for us Homo's. The week is packed full of fun events. Last night I went to Gay Latte. It is a poetry reading held at a book store. The book store makes a special 'Gay Latte' for the night. It was great to hear the poetry being read. All the writers had a similar energy. They all read a poem about a lover, and one about how they have been hurt by homophobia. This was not planned by the readers. It just shows how alive homophobia is today, and how much it affects every single Queer person.
Pride Week is about celebrating our love, ourselves, and our family. Yet remember how much work there is to be done to make the world a safer place for us. It is about remembering our family that didn't make, because of how cruel this world is.
Pride is for Lawrence King, the boy who was shot in the face last year by a classmate for writing him a love letter. It is for the friendless teenager who every day at school is called a Faggot, and walks home wondering what the point is to living.
Queer teens are 4 times more likely to attempt suicide, with trans numbers even higher then that.
But Pride is not a sad time, it is a time to honour how far we have come. It is about honouring how hard we worked to get to the point where we are now.
Though it is not anywhere near-perfect.
When I march in the parade, I thank the drag queen who started this. Gay Pride started 40 years ago at the Stonewall Riot. The cops used to raid gay bars and arrest everyone inside, because being gay was against the law. There are videos of these raids, and they are one of the most painful things for me to watch. We hang our heads in shame of who we are in those videos, as we are stuffed into the back of a police bus. We should never, never, be ashamed of who we are. One night we decided it was enough. We were not going to be treated like that anymore. So we fought back, a drag queen threw the first punch, and we rioted in the streets for 3 days. It was a signal of hope that stretched across the world. We don't have to sit and take it, we can fight back and demand proper treatment.
Now we do. In Canada. But trans people are still not protected by the law, lots of work needs to be done so the trans community can be equal citizens.
When one of us is being hurt, we are all being hurt.
Often I hear people saying that we should not get a Pride Week. That we are flaunting our 'gayness', and drawing attention to ourselves.
To answer that I say we need attention brought to some aspects of our lifestyle. We need to educate, and stress certain facts to people who are unaware of them. We need people to understand that we are twice as likely to be physically attacked. We need attention so that things can change. As comfortable as it is for you to have us in the closest, hidden away, there isn't much room to grow and flourish in there. You won't put us back into the closet.
As for flaunting our gayness, to that I say Fuck You. Really. This comment comes from straight people who everyday sit around and openly talk about their love life, and have it be completely accepted. Most Queer people can't do that, because of how straight people react. Everyday we are censored. During Pride week we are completely ourselves, we celebrate our love and we will not censor it to make you comfortable.
Your homework for the week is to be as flaming as possible. Burn so brightly that your flame warms the palms of Jesus. Go show others the light, my children. Be proud of who are you.
Happy Pride!
Let's all have a beautiful week full of love, happiness, and PRIDE!
Pride Week is about celebrating our love, ourselves, and our family. Yet remember how much work there is to be done to make the world a safer place for us. It is about remembering our family that didn't make, because of how cruel this world is.
Pride is for Lawrence King, the boy who was shot in the face last year by a classmate for writing him a love letter. It is for the friendless teenager who every day at school is called a Faggot, and walks home wondering what the point is to living.
Queer teens are 4 times more likely to attempt suicide, with trans numbers even higher then that.
But Pride is not a sad time, it is a time to honour how far we have come. It is about honouring how hard we worked to get to the point where we are now.
Though it is not anywhere near-perfect.
When I march in the parade, I thank the drag queen who started this. Gay Pride started 40 years ago at the Stonewall Riot. The cops used to raid gay bars and arrest everyone inside, because being gay was against the law. There are videos of these raids, and they are one of the most painful things for me to watch. We hang our heads in shame of who we are in those videos, as we are stuffed into the back of a police bus. We should never, never, be ashamed of who we are. One night we decided it was enough. We were not going to be treated like that anymore. So we fought back, a drag queen threw the first punch, and we rioted in the streets for 3 days. It was a signal of hope that stretched across the world. We don't have to sit and take it, we can fight back and demand proper treatment.
Now we do. In Canada. But trans people are still not protected by the law, lots of work needs to be done so the trans community can be equal citizens.
When one of us is being hurt, we are all being hurt.
Often I hear people saying that we should not get a Pride Week. That we are flaunting our 'gayness', and drawing attention to ourselves.
To answer that I say we need attention brought to some aspects of our lifestyle. We need to educate, and stress certain facts to people who are unaware of them. We need people to understand that we are twice as likely to be physically attacked. We need attention so that things can change. As comfortable as it is for you to have us in the closest, hidden away, there isn't much room to grow and flourish in there. You won't put us back into the closet.
As for flaunting our gayness, to that I say Fuck You. Really. This comment comes from straight people who everyday sit around and openly talk about their love life, and have it be completely accepted. Most Queer people can't do that, because of how straight people react. Everyday we are censored. During Pride week we are completely ourselves, we celebrate our love and we will not censor it to make you comfortable.
Your homework for the week is to be as flaming as possible. Burn so brightly that your flame warms the palms of Jesus. Go show others the light, my children. Be proud of who are you.
Happy Pride!
Let's all have a beautiful week full of love, happiness, and PRIDE!
Saturday, June 6, 2009
I also cried during Disney Earth
Guess who just got a girls number?!
I did! I did!
Tonight at the Deep Dark Woods vs. Sheep Dogs show.
I got her number despite the fact that I told her I went to see Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, alone, and cried. Oh yeah, I am so smooth.
She is so cute! We talked about the music we like. She has fantastic taste in bands, and likes similar styles as I do.
We talked really well together. Which is a big deal for me, because I am usually really awkward when I first meet someone.
Then my friends wanted to leave, because they were tired. So this girl and I had to say Good-bye. I think I will call her Forest, because we met at a Deep Dark Woods show.
So Forest and I had to part ways, and there were those lingering moments about whether to ask for numbers. But I am so shy, and awkward I didn't have the courage too. So we left it with hoping to bump into each other again.
I made it to the door of the venue when I decided I needed to be brave and get her number. So I turned around, and went back in to find her. I found her mid happy dance, though I barely noticed it because I was so focused on not tripping/messing up my words/losing my courage. But I didn't have to visit the wizard for some courage, and we exchanged numbers.
My own happy dance, and air pumps followed.
She also gave me her real number, and not a fake one! I know this because she has already text me! She thinks I am cute!
Okay I need to go to bed, before I overdose you all with exclamation marks.
- Cute Shoes Avery
I did! I did!
Tonight at the Deep Dark Woods vs. Sheep Dogs show.
I got her number despite the fact that I told her I went to see Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, alone, and cried. Oh yeah, I am so smooth.
She is so cute! We talked about the music we like. She has fantastic taste in bands, and likes similar styles as I do.
We talked really well together. Which is a big deal for me, because I am usually really awkward when I first meet someone.
Then my friends wanted to leave, because they were tired. So this girl and I had to say Good-bye. I think I will call her Forest, because we met at a Deep Dark Woods show.
So Forest and I had to part ways, and there were those lingering moments about whether to ask for numbers. But I am so shy, and awkward I didn't have the courage too. So we left it with hoping to bump into each other again.
I made it to the door of the venue when I decided I needed to be brave and get her number. So I turned around, and went back in to find her. I found her mid happy dance, though I barely noticed it because I was so focused on not tripping/messing up my words/losing my courage. But I didn't have to visit the wizard for some courage, and we exchanged numbers.
My own happy dance, and air pumps followed.
She also gave me her real number, and not a fake one! I know this because she has already text me! She thinks I am cute!
Okay I need to go to bed, before I overdose you all with exclamation marks.
- Cute Shoes Avery
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Apple Cider Love Songs
For the past couple weeks I have been having a recurring nightmare. In this dream I am at a music show with a large audience. I am standing on the crowded dance floor with a girl in front of me. She is my girlfriend in the dream. She turns around and reaches her hand out for me to grab. At this point I become completely horrified, because she is wanting us to slow dance to a song that just started playing.
I’m not appalled at the fact that she wants to slow dance. I taught myself how to slow dance from extensive internet research, and practising alone in front of a mirror. No lie. I have no shame in telling you all that.
Anyway, what shocks me is the song she wants to dance to. Prepare yourself, Nothing Compares 2 U - Sinead O'Connor. I can't believe that she wants THAT to be OUR song! Is she serious? At that point in the dream I pretend I don't notice her hand, and do anything to distract her. There by saving our relationship, because if she really wants Nothing Compares 2 U to be our song. I don't think I could look her in the eyes anymore.
I don't even know who you are anymore!
Yeah . . . That dream is actually a nightmare to me, and it has been recurring. Sometimes the song changes, to something equally as horrifying. I hope this dream will stop. It is upsetting. Why can't I just dream about me being in Superman comics like last night again? For real, it was awesome!
I am so content in this moment. I had a beautiful, peaceful evening. I spent the night walking by the river and around Broadway with a warm cup of apple cider, and my favourite love songs playing in my headphones. I don't think anything could have made it more enjoyable. I love apple cider. It has such a calming effect on me. I am so lucky to live in a city as beautiful as Saskatoon. We have the gorgeous river, so full of life, for us to enjoy. Right there beside the best street in the city, Broadway, where there is always a friendly face or adventure waiting to happen.
Here are just a few of the songs that played tonight on my walk. They perfectly fit the mood I was in.
Apple Cider Love Songs:
Skinny Love - Bon Iver (the live version from Jool Holland)
I seriously get goosebumps, and or cry, every time I hear this song. This is my absolute favorite song. From 2:50 on, it has the most emotion in a song I've ever heard. Especially when he sings, "Now all your love is wasted, then who the hell was I?"
Band of Horses - I go to the barn because I like the
"I'd like to think that I am a mess, that you'd wear with Pride."
Pretty much sums up what I want to be to someone.
Really every word to this song I connect with.
"outside, by your doorstep
in a worn out suit and tie.
i'll wait for you to come down
where you'll find me, where we'll shine."
When I really like someone I feel like they radiate the light of the Sun. When I'm with them, I add my own light and together we are bright enough to light the world.
If I was a love song, I think I would be this song.
Regina Spektor - Samson
"And history books forgot about us, and the bible didn't mention us.
The bible didn't mention us, not even once.
You are my sweetest downfall.
I loved you first."
One of my favorite lyrics ever. How could a love as profound as our not be recorded, or even noticed by the world?
Kate Nash - The Nicest Thing
A simple, cute love song. The little things about love that sometimes mean the most.
"I wish you had a favourite beauty spot that you loved secretly,
'Cause it was on a hidden bit that nobody else could see."
Ugh. Just makes my heart melt.
Bon Iver - The Wolves (Act I and II)
What might have been lost. Don't bother me. Someday my pain.
Those lyrics combined with the build up to the train like drums at the end is just overwhelmingly beautiful, and painful. If the hollow feeling of a break up had a sound, it would be this song.
Iron & Wine - Such Great Heights
I like this cover of the song much more then the original Postal Service version.
I am thinking it's a sign
That the freckles in our eyes
Are mirror images and when we kiss
They're perfectly aligned
I wish I could use this as a pick-up line.
Kings of Leon - Use Somebody
I love the way his voice goes high at the end of his words.
Having sex to this album may, or may not be a goal on my list of things to do ;)
Iron & Wine - Flightless Bird, American Mouth
I don't know what it is about this song, but I can't stop listening to it. Only a small portion of the reason I can't stop playing it is due to it being in Twilight, I swear.
Great Lake Swimmers - Your Rocky Spine
My favorite band. Comparing the beauty of Canada's wilderness, to the beauty of a woman is magic. Genius, Great Lake Swimmers, Genius.
Band of Horses - No one gonna love you
Not all love songs are happy. There are many sides to love, and one of them is the dying out of a relationship. This song covers it pretty well.
Great Lake Swimmers - Where in the world are you?
I heard this song live when they played at Amigo's. No words can explain how good it was, the entire crowd started swaying and couples held each other.
Tegan and Sara - Nineteen
"I feel you in my heart and I don't even know you"... Sometimes love catches us off guard. And sometimes we are completely unaware of it, until it comes up and punches us right in the heart.
Love you, you were all mine.
Love me, I was yours right?
Our relationship meant something, right? Blink once for Yes, twice for No.
Kings of Leon - Closer
Vampire love song. Spooky, and haunting.
Tegan and Sara - Call It Off
Maybe I would have been something you'd be good at
Maybe you would have been something I'd be good at
But now we'll never know
This is the song I listen to when a relationship doesn't get a chance. When other things, life, get in the way of a fair shot.
Missy Higgins - Where I Stood
See I thought love was black and white
it was wrong, or it was right
But you aint leaving without a fight and I think I am just as torn inside
Love is a lot of things, but it is rarely simple.
Auqalung - Strange and Beautiful
To me, you're strange and you're beautiful
You'd be so perfect with me
But you just can't see
You turn every head but you don't see me
Story of my life. Fuck.
Band of Horses - The Funeral
Meshell Ndegeocello - Beautiful
Cat Power - I Found A Reason
To the girl in my nightmare, take note. Any of the above mentioned songs are acceptable options to be our song. Please, stop trying to make me dance to Sinead O'Connor. Please.
I’m not appalled at the fact that she wants to slow dance. I taught myself how to slow dance from extensive internet research, and practising alone in front of a mirror. No lie. I have no shame in telling you all that.
Anyway, what shocks me is the song she wants to dance to. Prepare yourself, Nothing Compares 2 U - Sinead O'Connor. I can't believe that she wants THAT to be OUR song! Is she serious? At that point in the dream I pretend I don't notice her hand, and do anything to distract her. There by saving our relationship, because if she really wants Nothing Compares 2 U to be our song. I don't think I could look her in the eyes anymore.
I don't even know who you are anymore!
Yeah . . . That dream is actually a nightmare to me, and it has been recurring. Sometimes the song changes, to something equally as horrifying. I hope this dream will stop. It is upsetting. Why can't I just dream about me being in Superman comics like last night again? For real, it was awesome!
I am so content in this moment. I had a beautiful, peaceful evening. I spent the night walking by the river and around Broadway with a warm cup of apple cider, and my favourite love songs playing in my headphones. I don't think anything could have made it more enjoyable. I love apple cider. It has such a calming effect on me. I am so lucky to live in a city as beautiful as Saskatoon. We have the gorgeous river, so full of life, for us to enjoy. Right there beside the best street in the city, Broadway, where there is always a friendly face or adventure waiting to happen.
Here are just a few of the songs that played tonight on my walk. They perfectly fit the mood I was in.
Apple Cider Love Songs:
Skinny Love - Bon Iver (the live version from Jool Holland)
I seriously get goosebumps, and or cry, every time I hear this song. This is my absolute favorite song. From 2:50 on, it has the most emotion in a song I've ever heard. Especially when he sings, "Now all your love is wasted, then who the hell was I?"
Band of Horses - I go to the barn because I like the
"I'd like to think that I am a mess, that you'd wear with Pride."
Pretty much sums up what I want to be to someone.
Really every word to this song I connect with.
"outside, by your doorstep
in a worn out suit and tie.
i'll wait for you to come down
where you'll find me, where we'll shine."
When I really like someone I feel like they radiate the light of the Sun. When I'm with them, I add my own light and together we are bright enough to light the world.
If I was a love song, I think I would be this song.
Regina Spektor - Samson
"And history books forgot about us, and the bible didn't mention us.
The bible didn't mention us, not even once.
You are my sweetest downfall.
I loved you first."
One of my favorite lyrics ever. How could a love as profound as our not be recorded, or even noticed by the world?
Kate Nash - The Nicest Thing
A simple, cute love song. The little things about love that sometimes mean the most.
"I wish you had a favourite beauty spot that you loved secretly,
'Cause it was on a hidden bit that nobody else could see."
Ugh. Just makes my heart melt.
Bon Iver - The Wolves (Act I and II)
What might have been lost. Don't bother me. Someday my pain.
Those lyrics combined with the build up to the train like drums at the end is just overwhelmingly beautiful, and painful. If the hollow feeling of a break up had a sound, it would be this song.
Iron & Wine - Such Great Heights
I like this cover of the song much more then the original Postal Service version.
I am thinking it's a sign
That the freckles in our eyes
Are mirror images and when we kiss
They're perfectly aligned
I wish I could use this as a pick-up line.
Kings of Leon - Use Somebody
I love the way his voice goes high at the end of his words.
Having sex to this album may, or may not be a goal on my list of things to do ;)
Iron & Wine - Flightless Bird, American Mouth
I don't know what it is about this song, but I can't stop listening to it. Only a small portion of the reason I can't stop playing it is due to it being in Twilight, I swear.
Great Lake Swimmers - Your Rocky Spine
My favorite band. Comparing the beauty of Canada's wilderness, to the beauty of a woman is magic. Genius, Great Lake Swimmers, Genius.
Band of Horses - No one gonna love you
Not all love songs are happy. There are many sides to love, and one of them is the dying out of a relationship. This song covers it pretty well.
Great Lake Swimmers - Where in the world are you?
I heard this song live when they played at Amigo's. No words can explain how good it was, the entire crowd started swaying and couples held each other.
Tegan and Sara - Nineteen
"I feel you in my heart and I don't even know you"... Sometimes love catches us off guard. And sometimes we are completely unaware of it, until it comes up and punches us right in the heart.
Love you, you were all mine.
Love me, I was yours right?
Our relationship meant something, right? Blink once for Yes, twice for No.
Kings of Leon - Closer
Vampire love song. Spooky, and haunting.
Tegan and Sara - Call It Off
Maybe I would have been something you'd be good at
Maybe you would have been something I'd be good at
But now we'll never know
This is the song I listen to when a relationship doesn't get a chance. When other things, life, get in the way of a fair shot.
Missy Higgins - Where I Stood
See I thought love was black and white
it was wrong, or it was right
But you aint leaving without a fight and I think I am just as torn inside
Love is a lot of things, but it is rarely simple.
Auqalung - Strange and Beautiful
To me, you're strange and you're beautiful
You'd be so perfect with me
But you just can't see
You turn every head but you don't see me
Story of my life. Fuck.
Band of Horses - The Funeral
Meshell Ndegeocello - Beautiful
Cat Power - I Found A Reason
To the girl in my nightmare, take note. Any of the above mentioned songs are acceptable options to be our song. Please, stop trying to make me dance to Sinead O'Connor. Please.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Well-a Well-a Wella-a, huh. Tell me more, Tell me more!
Today's special: Shopping trip with a side of a possible mini date, served with a fresh coconut for dessert.
My adventure today was as nice as a lazy summer breeze, blowing up the skirts of women for the entertainment of everyone within sight.
I spent the first half of the day out in the sun, kicking myself over a bad move last night. I ran into Grace on Broadway last night, and she invited me to join her and her friends for drinks. I managed to not pee myself like an excited puppy, and played it cool. Too cool. I said I would have drinks with her, but first I was going to long board around a bit. Bad play, Avery, bad play. Nice move at attempting to not seem too eager. It was a good plan in theory. But by the time I got back to the pub, Grace and her friends were gone. So I missed out on getting to hang out with her, and she probably thinks I didn't want to at all, if she even gave me a second thought. Boo.
Thankfully, my day improved as it went on. I had ice cream with Silk Spectre, and went for little walk together. This was the first time we've seen each other in daylight, and not under disco lights. I would say that is a big step. We were our awkward selves, which is a good thing. At least we know what to expect.
From there I went shopping with Goddess, I bought a couple cute Tees. Then we stopped by Red Pepper for a coconut. Yup, you read correctly, a coconut. It was so good! The perfect summer snack, light and fruity.
I enjoy hanging out with Goddess. She always introduces me to something new, and fun. Goddess and I tend to have a lot of highs and lows in our relationship. We go through periods where we hang out constantly, only to have that followed by a dry spell, where we hardly communicate at all. I think that comes with the territory of being ex's, it is hard to find the proper balance of things. But what is most important is that we are both in a place where we want what is best for each other. And any residual feelings from our relationship have long ago morphed into that of friendship. It makes me happy to have her around, she is a very wise, adventurous person, who is always striving for the best. She has one of the kindest hearts I've ever encountered. Right up there next to my Momma. In addition, she is the reining Queen of Sass. She and I banter like tonsils and tongues battling in a drunken make out session, only with less saliva, and herpes.
I am counting down the days to Pride Week here in Saskatoon. It starts on Sunday! I have the whole week off work, so I will be hitting lots of the events. I will keep you all posted on my adventures, and there will be many of them.
I have to go dig through my closet for my Pride Flag, it is tucked away somewhere in there . . . I think it being in there makes me a bad Queer. Rainbow flags are not meant for closets.
- Love, love, love,
Your Dreamboat.
My adventure today was as nice as a lazy summer breeze, blowing up the skirts of women for the entertainment of everyone within sight.
I spent the first half of the day out in the sun, kicking myself over a bad move last night. I ran into Grace on Broadway last night, and she invited me to join her and her friends for drinks. I managed to not pee myself like an excited puppy, and played it cool. Too cool. I said I would have drinks with her, but first I was going to long board around a bit. Bad play, Avery, bad play. Nice move at attempting to not seem too eager. It was a good plan in theory. But by the time I got back to the pub, Grace and her friends were gone. So I missed out on getting to hang out with her, and she probably thinks I didn't want to at all, if she even gave me a second thought. Boo.
Thankfully, my day improved as it went on. I had ice cream with Silk Spectre, and went for little walk together. This was the first time we've seen each other in daylight, and not under disco lights. I would say that is a big step. We were our awkward selves, which is a good thing. At least we know what to expect.
From there I went shopping with Goddess, I bought a couple cute Tees. Then we stopped by Red Pepper for a coconut. Yup, you read correctly, a coconut. It was so good! The perfect summer snack, light and fruity.
I enjoy hanging out with Goddess. She always introduces me to something new, and fun. Goddess and I tend to have a lot of highs and lows in our relationship. We go through periods where we hang out constantly, only to have that followed by a dry spell, where we hardly communicate at all. I think that comes with the territory of being ex's, it is hard to find the proper balance of things. But what is most important is that we are both in a place where we want what is best for each other. And any residual feelings from our relationship have long ago morphed into that of friendship. It makes me happy to have her around, she is a very wise, adventurous person, who is always striving for the best. She has one of the kindest hearts I've ever encountered. Right up there next to my Momma. In addition, she is the reining Queen of Sass. She and I banter like tonsils and tongues battling in a drunken make out session, only with less saliva, and herpes.
I am counting down the days to Pride Week here in Saskatoon. It starts on Sunday! I have the whole week off work, so I will be hitting lots of the events. I will keep you all posted on my adventures, and there will be many of them.
I have to go dig through my closet for my Pride Flag, it is tucked away somewhere in there . . . I think it being in there makes me a bad Queer. Rainbow flags are not meant for closets.
- Love, love, love,
Your Dreamboat.
Monday, June 1, 2009
My heart's aflame/My body's strained, but god I like it
This weekend the sun shone like a paparazzi’s camera flash, as an underwearless celebrity gets out of a car.
When the sun shines I feel like I am sparkling, and not in the sexy brooding vampire way. I feel so energetic and full of life, and I always want to be doing something fun. I would say I did a spectacular job of that this weekend.
To kick it off I had lunch up on the Yard's patio with Sunshine.
I am going to catch you up to speed on who Sunshine is, because I am not talking about the star in the sky that likes to burn my pastey skin. Sunshine and I have a history of colliding into each other, but with bad timing. One of us is always leaving, only to return to find the other in a fresh relationship. We always manage to stay friends, whether one of us is dating someone new or not. She is a beautiful, genuine girl. Who has a smile is as bright as the Sun, hence the name Sunshine. She is goofy, adventurous, and always true to herself. It is so easy to be myself around her, because I know she is doing the same. We also share a passion for Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and secretly love Twilight an embarrassingly large amount. If we can still stand each other despite knowing that fact, we must be epic. We have been known to spend hours doing nothing but lay around eating candy, and ice tea so thick we have to chew it while watching Buffy. She also was the subject of my most failed attempt at picking a girl up. I won’t go into detail, but it involved granola.
Ok. So that is a brief description of Sunshine. On with the story of my weekend!
Sunshine and I sat on the patio of the Yard, where I managed to burn half my face and she accomplished getting wing sauce on every article of clothing she was wearing. We spent the afternoon eating, drinking (red wine is perfectly acceptable that early, if the day is as perfect as it was), and verbally sparring with each other.
If you can verbally cock slap me into a silent awe of your skills, I want to be in your life. I love exercising my brain with a good round of banter.
My hunt for a ticket to the sold out Tv on the Radio show paid off. It was a great show, and they played my favourite song. I couldn't even get near the front it was so packed. The Odeon should invest in a ventilation system if they want to be a decent venue. It was hotter then balls stuffed into hipster pants and flannel boxers.
The night only got better after the show. I was invited out by the girl that literally turns me into a mumbling, blushing fool.
She is stunning. She carries herself with an aura of beauty, and grace that has been long forgotten by most. Which is why I will call her Grace for the purpose of this blog.
Not only does she know my name. Shut up! That is an accomplishment in my book. And not only was I invited out by her. But she gave me a hug, and a kiss on the cheek. It was magic.
Think back to the scene from any good 80's movie, when the dream girl acknowledges the cute nerd. It happened this weekend for me. I swear ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart’ started playing in the background, as Molly Ringwald gave me a thumbs up from across the room.
Basically, I don’t stand a chance with this girl. But it is fun to dream, and I have to fulfill my duty as a nerd to crush on the dream girl. Who knows maybe the world will shift in my favour. It has happened for me before.
The next night I spent going back and forth between Amigo's, and Diva’s. At Diva's I hung out with Silk Spectre, I was a little more charming and co-ordinated then last time.
Another catch up time, Silk Spectre 101. Man, you guys are getting a lot of info this entry. I hope you are taking notes. There will be a pop quiz.
I have been captivated by Silk Spectre's beauty (not just physical beauty, even though she has plenty of that) for the last few months. But up until recently she has been in a relationship. So I behaved myself, and kept an appropriate distance. You all know how I feel about those kind of games.
Last weekend was the first time I saw her since her break up. I continued to keep my distance, not wanting to put the moves on her so soon after a break up. Even though the tension between us was so thick only a random annoying drunk girl could get through it, and wreck any opportunities.
The opportunities may have also passed because I was completely paralyzed by fear. I literally had to put my head between my knees and take deep breaths to calm down. I received a pep talk, or three. But I still wasn't able to get the courage to go dance with Silk Spectre.
Then thanks the best wing man moves in the history of bros. She came over to me, and we spent the night dancing. Which may have caused her to think I have Tourette's syndrome, I am not that great a dancer.
But if we fast forward through the week to this weekend. There was more dancing, and I did better this time. There has also been more flirting, which even though I am awkward as Fuck, I am still really good at.
I managed to make it home in time for a bowl of cheerios as the birds started chirping. I don't know what it is about cheerios, but they make the best late night snack. I would definitely call this weekend as success. It finally feels like summer, and it has ignited something that burns out in the other seasons.
I'd like to thank Captain Energy Drink for making this post possible. Without you I would not have made it through work this week. Thanks for having my back.
- Avery Eros
When the sun shines I feel like I am sparkling, and not in the sexy brooding vampire way. I feel so energetic and full of life, and I always want to be doing something fun. I would say I did a spectacular job of that this weekend.
To kick it off I had lunch up on the Yard's patio with Sunshine.
I am going to catch you up to speed on who Sunshine is, because I am not talking about the star in the sky that likes to burn my pastey skin. Sunshine and I have a history of colliding into each other, but with bad timing. One of us is always leaving, only to return to find the other in a fresh relationship. We always manage to stay friends, whether one of us is dating someone new or not. She is a beautiful, genuine girl. Who has a smile is as bright as the Sun, hence the name Sunshine. She is goofy, adventurous, and always true to herself. It is so easy to be myself around her, because I know she is doing the same. We also share a passion for Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and secretly love Twilight an embarrassingly large amount. If we can still stand each other despite knowing that fact, we must be epic. We have been known to spend hours doing nothing but lay around eating candy, and ice tea so thick we have to chew it while watching Buffy. She also was the subject of my most failed attempt at picking a girl up. I won’t go into detail, but it involved granola.
Ok. So that is a brief description of Sunshine. On with the story of my weekend!
Sunshine and I sat on the patio of the Yard, where I managed to burn half my face and she accomplished getting wing sauce on every article of clothing she was wearing. We spent the afternoon eating, drinking (red wine is perfectly acceptable that early, if the day is as perfect as it was), and verbally sparring with each other.
If you can verbally cock slap me into a silent awe of your skills, I want to be in your life. I love exercising my brain with a good round of banter.
My hunt for a ticket to the sold out Tv on the Radio show paid off. It was a great show, and they played my favourite song. I couldn't even get near the front it was so packed. The Odeon should invest in a ventilation system if they want to be a decent venue. It was hotter then balls stuffed into hipster pants and flannel boxers.
The night only got better after the show. I was invited out by the girl that literally turns me into a mumbling, blushing fool.
She is stunning. She carries herself with an aura of beauty, and grace that has been long forgotten by most. Which is why I will call her Grace for the purpose of this blog.
Not only does she know my name. Shut up! That is an accomplishment in my book. And not only was I invited out by her. But she gave me a hug, and a kiss on the cheek. It was magic.
Think back to the scene from any good 80's movie, when the dream girl acknowledges the cute nerd. It happened this weekend for me. I swear ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart’ started playing in the background, as Molly Ringwald gave me a thumbs up from across the room.
Basically, I don’t stand a chance with this girl. But it is fun to dream, and I have to fulfill my duty as a nerd to crush on the dream girl. Who knows maybe the world will shift in my favour. It has happened for me before.
The next night I spent going back and forth between Amigo's, and Diva’s. At Diva's I hung out with Silk Spectre, I was a little more charming and co-ordinated then last time.
Another catch up time, Silk Spectre 101. Man, you guys are getting a lot of info this entry. I hope you are taking notes. There will be a pop quiz.
I have been captivated by Silk Spectre's beauty (not just physical beauty, even though she has plenty of that) for the last few months. But up until recently she has been in a relationship. So I behaved myself, and kept an appropriate distance. You all know how I feel about those kind of games.
Last weekend was the first time I saw her since her break up. I continued to keep my distance, not wanting to put the moves on her so soon after a break up. Even though the tension between us was so thick only a random annoying drunk girl could get through it, and wreck any opportunities.
The opportunities may have also passed because I was completely paralyzed by fear. I literally had to put my head between my knees and take deep breaths to calm down. I received a pep talk, or three. But I still wasn't able to get the courage to go dance with Silk Spectre.
Then thanks the best wing man moves in the history of bros. She came over to me, and we spent the night dancing. Which may have caused her to think I have Tourette's syndrome, I am not that great a dancer.
But if we fast forward through the week to this weekend. There was more dancing, and I did better this time. There has also been more flirting, which even though I am awkward as Fuck, I am still really good at.
I managed to make it home in time for a bowl of cheerios as the birds started chirping. I don't know what it is about cheerios, but they make the best late night snack. I would definitely call this weekend as success. It finally feels like summer, and it has ignited something that burns out in the other seasons.
I'd like to thank Captain Energy Drink for making this post possible. Without you I would not have made it through work this week. Thanks for having my back.
- Avery Eros
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