Option 3

1) "You are the cutest boy! Why can't you REALLY be a boy!"
2) "Why can't you just grow a penis?"
3) "I want to make out with you. I wish you were a guy."

Ugh. Those are a few of the lines I often hear from gay guys and straight girls. Thanks Champs, they make me feel great.

In response to line #1, this is how I feel.
If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, it's safe to call it a duck.
If I look like a cute boy to you, talk like a cute boy, I think that means I am a cute boy.

I've actually been told line #2 quite a few times. Is that what you really think makes a man? Having a dick? I know yours is probably doing all the thinking when you say this to me. But there is more to it then that. Even if I did have one, you wouldn't be someone I would use it with.

3) I am a cute enough boy for you to be physically attracted to me. It is only your narrow mind that is stopping you from seeing me as a guy.

Life would be a whole lot easier for me if people really thought about what it means to be a guy, or a girl and why it is apparently so important.

Is it the body that determines gender?

Girls are soft, hairless, skinny, with long hair, and high voices. They have ovaries, breasts, and an uterus.
How many girls do you know that fit into those categories? How many do you know that don't?
If a girl cuts her hair short, does she stop being a girl?
What about cancer survivors who have breasts, or their reproductive parts removed. Are they no longer women?

Men are muscular, hairy, with broad shoulders, and a deep voice. They have a penis, and testicles.
How many guys do you know that fit into these categories? How many do you know that don't?
I know lots of guys who don't fit into these qualities. A lot of them are the ones saying the lines previously mentioned to me.
They wax all their hair away. Their voices are lispy and light. Does that mean they aren't men?
What about the sports star that losses a testicle in an accident during the game, is he no longer a man?

Gender and Sex are different things all together. Sex is in your pants, and gender is in your head.

So we've past that hurdle. I am female bodied, but my gender has nothing to do with that.

So what is gender? What does a person do to make them fit into a gender? Who judges, and sets the rules? Why have you not asked yourself this before? From the minute we are born these rules are pushed on us. The first thing we hear when we are born is "It's a boy!" or "It's a girl!"
Decision made. You get no choice. You accept that this is the role you play. Girls in pink, with the dolls. Boys in blue, with the trucks.

What do REAL men do? How many times have you been told you aren't a real man because of something you did? There are apparently so many rules, and characteristics about what is appropriate for men to do.
Real men don't cry. Says one person. Another is quick to contradict that real, strong men DO cry.
Okay let's try again.
Real men don't wear pink. Whoops, all the gay men are out with that one.

Often these rules that are designated to separate genders are neanderthal like. People and actions are not simple enough to be shoved completely into one box or the other. Yet society fights so hard to uphold only these two choices. There is no in-between.

What makes YOU a real man or woman? How do you know?
Maybe you are a person who was lucky enough to have their gender, and sex match up. You've never had to think about this before, you are just happy being who you are. You've never challenged the role you live.
I am not one of those people. I don't fit.

I'm not a girl.
But I am not willing to be shoved 100% into the boy box either.
I'm in-between. I said this before, I am the energy that flows between the two. If I had to pick, which is the place I am now, deciding whether or not I can survive in this world as this in-between. Because trust me, it is not easy. Being ungendered in a world that has gender incorporated into everything is not simple. It's not fun being laughed at, and gawked at. It's not fun being pushed around. So if society is going to force me to pick, which I think is going to happen, I pick boy. I feel more like a guy.

If you are Queer, it is very similar to discovering your sexuality. It was confusing, and you may have sought out information about being Queer on the internet, friends or books. About what a gay person looks like, and how they act. But just like gender that doesn't hold true for everyone under that label.
Sure some gay guys are feminine, or like fashion. But a lot of them don't.
Some gay girls have short hair cuts, and like sports. But a lot of them don't.
Those shared qualities helped you along the way. They were nods that reinforced your decision
But in the end discovering whether you were Queer or not came down to how you FELT. No one could tell you that you were gay. No one characteristic, or personality trait defines your sexuality.

No one can tell you what your gender is. It is how you FEEL. No one can tell you that you are not a girl because ___. No one can tell me that I am not a boy because ___. You feel like a girl, boy, neither, both, whatever the hell you want.

Gay guys, and straight girls are in the exact same boat when it comes to how they feel about me. Being attracted to me makes them feel like their sexual orientation is being challenged.
If a straight girl likes me, does that mean she is a lesbian?
If a gay guy likes me, does that mean he is *gulp* straight?
Girls seem to deal with this situation the easiest. They don't let it stop them from perusing anything with me. They don't like me because they think I am a girl, or a boy. They don't let that factor in. They just like me for me. Their girl friends seem accepting of it too. They don't harass her about being a lesbian, because they themselves see that I am not a girl.
I think girls see me as a boy much easier then guys do for the same reason guys have trouble with it. The differences between us.
Right away girls can tell that I am not like them.
No long hair, no make up, no women's clothing, no hair twirling. I don't sit like them. I don't talk like, or about the same things as they do. My mannerisms are different then theirs.
They see so many differences that it is clear to them that I am not one of them.

I like musicals, and chick flicks.
I am better in touch with my feelings, and I express them.
I can be delicate, emotionally and physically.

Those are a few of the similarities that I share with girls. But really I have that in common with most gay guys.

Guys weigh the differences more heavily, even when there are more similarities between us.
Instead of hearing the similar speech patterns. All they hear is my high voice.

They never really see me as anything other then a girl, despite the fact that they are attracted to me because I am so boy like. They can't let go of the titles. It is one or the other for them. This makes me sad, because I feel like I best connect with gay guys. I feel most like myself around them. It would be nice to be accepted as one of the boys.

I hope you can see me the way I want to be seen. I want to be judged on my heart, more then on my looks.

I'm going to end this now, because I could talk for days about gender. There will be another post about this again. But not for a while, I promise a fun and witty post soon.